Sprechen Sie Engrish?
by TechnicolorGray
Summary: When Cackletta drives Fawful out of her lair because of his careless spending habits, he must find a way to pay back the money that he owes her. Eventually, he seeks help from Doopliss. Complete!
1. Magazines

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Superstar Saga or the characters from it. 

**A/N**: I wrote this some time ago, but suddenly decided to start posting it. The story occurs after SS takes place under the assumption that both Fawful and Cackletta were still alive after the occurences of the game.

Chapter 1: Magazines

"Get out!" The rage-induced shriek emanated from behind the heavy iron door of a certain Beanbean Kingdom witch's evil lair.

"I am being sorry, Cackletta!" Came the high-pitched answer.

There was a loud crash as Cackletta flung an expensive antique vase at her assistant, missing him by inches. "It's too late for apologies! As if this place isn't expensive enough to maintain without you spending all of our hard-earned coins on your frivolous hobbies!"

"I was not knowing they were being subscriptions of magazines!" Fawful responded desperately, dodging the items that Cackletta was viciously throwing at him. "I was thinking that they were the forms of the obtaining of free items!"

Cackletta stopped heaving things for a moment, trying to comprehend Fawful's twisted dialogue. "So what you're saying..." she began, "Is that you mistook magazine subscription forms...for free item forms? Can you even read! There's no such thing as a 'free item form!'"

Fawful pulled out an extra subscription form and handed it to Cackletta. "The paper is saying 'you will be obtaining a free maker of smoothies if you are filling out this form.'"

Cackletta stared at the paper. "It says that you get a free smoothie maker with your paid subscription to Beanbean Fashion magazine!"

"See?" Fawful said hopefully, "you are getting the free maker of smoothies!"

"With a 500 coin subscription!" Cackletta looked about ready to kill something.

"That is not being too expensive," Fawful responded hesitantly.

"Well," Cackletta began in a sarcastically sweet voice, "it kind of adds up when you sign me up for 100 different magazines that all cost 500 coins, now doesn't it!"

"It is now being 116," Fawful mumbled to the floor.

"GET OUT!"

This time, Fawful thought it best that he actually listen. He began to think this even more when a toaster went flying by his head. Struggling slightly, he managed to open the large, iron front door and flee from Cackletta's rage.

When Cackletta saw that Fawful was gone, she sighed. Fawful was a helpful assistant in that he was fairly adept at designing weapons and other technology, but his harmfulness far outweighed his helpfulness at times.

"And he can't even speak proper English," she said to herself.

Cackletta examined the subscription form that Fawful had given her. "'Subscription not available for cancellation,'" she read, trying hard to keep her temper under control. Getting out a pen, Cackletta turned the paper over and did some quick calculations. "Five-hundred coins times one-hundred sixteen subscriptions is FIFTY-EIGHT THOUSAND COINS! I'll be in debt for the rest of my life!" This was somewhat of an exaggeration, needless to say.

Meanwhile, Fawful had gotten as far away from Cackletta's lair as possible.

"Cackletta is being scary when she is vexed," Fawful said out loud, "she is having even more fury than me! Although the current anger of which Cackletta is possessing is seeming to be more than usual. I am being worried that she will not be allowing the return of me to her lair."

Fawful's soliloquy was interrupted by a sudden thought. What if he were to earn enough money to pay back the 58,000 coins that he now owed Cackletta? "But," Fawful said, talking to himself, "Job opportunities are being limited in the Kingdom of Beanbean, so I must be going to the Kingdom of Mushroom to be making coins!"

With that, Fawful set out determinedly, forgetting all about the Mushroom Kingdom to Beanbean Kingdom coin exchange rate and the dreaded border-crossing test that divided the two kingdoms.

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Well, that was chapter 1. I know it was short, but I'll probably post chapter 2 soon. Please R&R. XD


	2. Illegal Immigrant

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. 3 

**A/N**: In this chapter, the Hammer Bros that did the Border jump rope test appear. I know that in the game, they were both green...but, in this story I made one red and the other green so that they could be differenciated from one another.

Chapter 2: Illegal Immigrant

It was a long time before Fawful finally reached the division, and by that time he was exhausted. "I am not in the condition that is being ideal for such a walk as this." That was his way of saying that he was physically inept.

Fawful sat down in front of the door to the border crossing room for a few minutes to recover from the walk. The sad thing was that Cackletta's lair wasn't all that far from where Fawful was now.

He finally stood up and, without thinking, entered the door in front of him.

"Halt!" A voice shouted as soon as Fawful entered the room.

Fawful halted.

The owner of the voice was a green Hammer Bro who obviously worked as a guard between the Mushroom and Beanbean Kingdoms.

"Fink-rat!" Fawful said irritably, "I must be getting into the Kingdom of Mushroom!"

The guard stared. "Umm...yeah...well, you're not getting in just like that."

The other guard; a red Hammer Bro; shouted from across the room, "Yeah! You have to pass the border-crossing test, first!"

The green guard, who had been formerly unnerved by Fawful's strange speech pattern, seemed reassured by what his red partner had said. "Exactly. The test for crossing over from the Beanbean Kingdom to the Mushroom Kingdom is...wrestling a wild chain chomp."

Fawful was a bit put-off by that little tidbit of information. "I was believing that the test was to be playing the game of jumping rope..."

The red guard laughed as if this was the funniest statement in the world. "No, you're mistaken. The jump rope test if the one that residents from the Mushroom Kingdom take when coming to the Beanbean Kingdom. The one for Beanbean Kingdom residents is totally different."

Fawful didn't say anything. Instead, he thought about how awful his life was. In fact, he seemed to do that quite a lot.

The green guard gave him a pat on the shoulder, as if sensing his distress. "Don't worry, buddy. We'll give you an easy one."

"Yeah," agreed the red guard. He went into a back room, saying "Let me get 'er real quick."

Fawful looked nervously at the door, not wanting the guard to come back, especially since he was bound to bring a chain chomp with him when he did.

"So," asked the green guard, "What d' you wanna go to go the Mushroom Kingdom for?" He could tell that Fawful was the kind of person who would panic in a situation like this, so he tried talking to calm him down.

Fawful continued staring at the door that the red guard had gone through. "I am going to the Kingdom of Mushroom to be getting a job."

"Oh, that's nice," responded the guard, wondering if this guy knew about the coin exchange rate, "What do you think is taking him so long?" The green guard shifted his gaze to the door that Fawful had been staring at.

Fawful didn't have time to respond.

"Whoa, girl!" The red guard said from behind the door, "Calm down, now!"

"Uh-oh," the green guard appeared alarmed at his partner's words.

There was suddenly the barking of a chain chomp followed by an earsplitting scream. The red guard burst out from the door, followed closely by a vicious looking pink chain chomp.

"She's gone rabid!" shrieked the guard, "everybody run!"

Fawful emitted a high-pitched screech and ran towards the door that led to the Mushroom Kingdom, heaving it open and then dashing through.

The green and red Hammer Bros, meanwhile, ran the opposite way and slammed the door behind them.

As they sat panting by the closed door, the red Hammer Bro looked suddenly irritable. "That guy didn't have a passport!"

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Well, that was Chapter 2. I hope you enjoyed it, despite the fact that it was short. Chapter three will definitely be longer.


	3. Guessing Game

**Disclaimer**: From here on out, just know that I own nothing. 

**A/N**: First of all, I'd like to thank the two people who actually took their time to review my attempt at fanfiction.So here's chapter 3. XD

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Chapter 3: Guessing Game

It had been two days since Cackletta had chased Fawful out, and she was beginning to wonder what had happened to him. She still wasn't in the mood to let him come back (the "free" smoothie makers had just started arriving), but she did need him to help her with her diabolical plots.

"Oh well," she said to herself, "he'll come back eventually." Now that she had the chance of some alone time for once, she might as well enjoy it.

Fawful, meanwhile, had periodically found Mushroom Kingdom coins in random bushes and had been spending them on necessitiesduring thepast few days. He was now down to only five coins.

Fawful now found himself at a dock of sorts, and wandered slowly towards a boat that was floating lazily in the water by the pier. "Is someone being inside of this vessel which is floating?" he inquired.

After a few seconds, a toad came out from below deck. He caught sight of Fawful. "Can I help you?"

"Can you be telling me the location of the destination of this floating fink-trap?" Fawful questioned.

The toad looked entirely confused and bewildered by Fawful's question. "I have no idea what you just said, but if you wanna know about this boat's destination...it's Rogueport. I wouldn't advise-"

Fawful cut him off. "Will you please be taking me there?"

"Uh, sure," began the toad, sounding slightly scared, "but I have to warn you that Rogueport's a pretty tough town."

Fawful brushed off this comment. "I can be handling it. The cost is being...how much?"

"For you, it's free." The toad didn't usually give free boat rides, but this guy was so bizarre that he wanted to avoid interaction as much as possible.

Fawful boarded the boat with some difficulty. "I am thanking you. Cackletta will surely be sparing you when the mustard of this kingdom is belonging to the sandwich of her power."

_Oh yeah_, thought the toad. _This guy's a wack job, alright._

Nonetheless, the boat that had been floating by the pier flipped around in a suspiciously paper-like manner and began to make its way to Rogueport. It was nightfall by the time the boat finally reached its destination.

The captain of the boat cursed inwardly. Why had he let this guy ride in his boat? Fawful, as he claimed he was called, was completely off his rocker. There obviously wasn't a sane bone in his body.

Fawful, meanwhile, was blissfully unaware of the toad's annoyance. "And if it wasn't being for those fink-rats of red and green," he informed the captain, "Cackletta, Queen of Bean, would already be having the Kingdom of Mushroom and the Kingdom of Beanbean as her-"

However, the boat was already a fair distance away at this point.

The captain of the boat shuddered as he put as much distance as possible between himself and Fawful. The only thing that he thought he might have understood from Fawful's rant was the part about "red and green fink-rats." He figured that they were the famous "Super" Mario and his brother. Now what was his name again? He couldn't quite remember, but it wasn't as if the brother was important, anyway.

Fawful watched the boat leave and then made his way into the town square of Rogueport, passing several shady-looking Bob-omb sailors on the way. Instead of doing the sensible thing and going to the local shop or inn to ask about possible jobs, Fawful wandered towards the east side of town. He was just about to make up his mind and head back to the town square when he spotted a gap in the brick wall next to a building...Stupidly, he followed the gap to a shady back-alley. He stared at the shadows, thinking he saw something within them.

"Hello," said a voice that came from the place where Fawful was staring. The owner of the voice stepped into the light. Glowing yellow eyes shown out from a face that remained covered in shadows. The creature was dressed in stitched-up, gray clothing. "My name's Darkly. I love the dark and the shadows."

"That is having much niceness," Fawful had actually found Darkly's comment to be slightly disturbing. Usually, other people thought that his comments were disturbing. "However, I am having to be questioning you about something of much importance. I am in needing of the workness..."

"Oh, you want a job," Darkly said knowingly. "I think there may be some job openings in my hometown."

This comment improved Fawful's mood almost immediately. "Could you be taking me to this place of jobness?"

Darkly nodded. 'Of course. The easiest way to get there is through the pipe underneath the town." Darkly walked through the gap in a small wooden fence across from the alley and over to a green pipe sticking out of the ground. "I usually like staying in Rogueport, but I'll make an exception since I'm especially bored today."

Fawful followed after Darkly, despite the fact that he was dreading pipe travel. "Are there enemies of much toughness in the sewers?"

Darkly climbed up onto the pipe. "They're not that tough. They're just koopas and goombas and stuff. Just climb on top of this pipe and press down on the analog stick."

"I am not understanding," Fawful said confusedly.

"Just follow me," replied Darkly. The pipe made a strange 'thwooping' sound as he went down into it.

Fawful followed after him headfirst, since he had trouble actually climbing all the way onto the pipe. He continued following Darkly through the sewers, avoiding various minions of Bowser and always stopping to check out the odd question box for coins or items.

"Here we are," Darkly declared, stopping in front of a grey pipe in a small, square room.

"I will be going in now," Fawful informed Darkly.

"Wait. You have to have your name written somewhere to get into the town." Darkly got out a pen from seemingly nowhere. "What's your name? I'll write it down for you."

"I am being called Fawful."

Darkly wrote it down for him, and watched as he disappeared into the pipe. He stared for a few seconds, and then shivered. "That guy was such a basket case..."

As Fawful emerged from the pipe, he looked at his surroundings. He found himself in a rather creepy-looking town that seemed to be trapped in perpetual twilight. "This is being interesting," he declared as he hopped down from the pipe. He spotted a shop and walked inside, wanting to inquire about work.

What looked like a female version of Darkly walked over to him. "I've never seen you around here before. Hmm...welcome to Twilight Town, newcomer! How may I help you?"

"I am looking for the jobness," stated Fawful.

The lady's face was the usual, confused expression do to Fawful's Engrish. "Ummm...I'm sorry, but I don't know of any job openings right now. Although..." she appeared lost in thought for a few seconds, "the boos who live in the church east of town might be able to find something for you. Just head east until you find a path that goes through the woods. You can't miss it."

Fawful left the building and immediately began talking to himself. "I am not being in the possession of the luckness lately. I am wishing that I had never been leaving the comforting snack-cake of the lair of Cackletta. No one is taking the action of the hiring of me, no one is-" He stopped talking, as he now found himself on a trail that was obviously the path that the shopkeeper had been talking about. He soon started talking again. "I am wishing that the latte of my life was having a taste of much greater sweetness."

Fawful came to a toppled tree that was doing an amazing job of blocking the path. "Well, this is of the most-" he began, but stopped. He suddenly heard creepy music that sounded like a combination between carnival music and church bells. "What is that being?" he wondered allowed, and followed the direction the music was coming. He ended up in front of a nearby bush. Fawful looked cautiously behind it to see a white duplighost wearing a blue bowtie and a party hat.

The duplighost, who had been sitting on the ground looking irritated, jumped out from behind the bush. "Blast! My cool battle music always gives away my position!" He stopped an looked at Fawful. "What 'choo starin' at, slick? Take a picture. It'll last longer."

"Are you having a job for me, I am wondering?" Fawful asked, doubting that the duplighost had a job for him.

"Yeah, that's right. 'Iki iki iki p'tang ZOOP boing' to you, too, buddy." The duplighost made various strange gestures, despite his sheet. " 'All your base are belong to us.'"

"I am not understanding."

"You and me both. Tell ya what. Since I'm a big star, I'd probably be able to hook you up with any job ya want."

"You are helping me to find the workness!" Fawful asked hopefully.

"You probably know me," the duplighost continued, ignoring Fawful's question, "I was an actor in all the 'Super Mario' plays and movies. I always got to be Mario, of course." The duplighost stepped around Fawful to examine the name that Darkly had written on his clothes. "So, your name's Fawful, eh? Heh. Who'd name their kid something like that? To each his own, though."

"What are you being called?" Fawful questioned.

The duplighost looked taken aback for a few seconds. "I ain't tellin' ya that, slick. It's just pushing it a bit too far, doncha' think? Then again..." he appeared to be thinking of something. "If you can guess my name, I'll hook you up with a job. How's that sound?"

"I'm guessing you are called Flavio?"

"Nope."

"Bobbery?"

"No."

"Popple."

"Nyeh."

"Nippy?"

"Nein."

"Makar."

"Nuh-uh."

Five long hours later, Fawful was still guessing. "Twink?"

"No!" The duplighost roared, "You're never going to guess so just get over it!"

"Albert?"

"No, no, no! Fine. I'll help you find a job and tell you my name if you just shut up!"

Fawful shut up.

"The name's Doopliss," the duplighost paused, as if waiting for applause, "and if ya stick with me, kid, I'll get you yer dream job. How about that?"

"I am liking the sound of what you are saying," responded Fawful.

"Good, good," Doopliss said craftily, "and in that case, our first stop is a little place that I like to call The Glitz Pit."

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**A/N**: Chapter 3 was longer than the other ones, as you can see. It'll probably take me more time than usual to get chapter 4 up, since this was all that I had previously written. I'd appreciate reviews,so I'll probably update after a few more people R&R. Hope you enjoyed.


	4. The Amazing Bean

**A/N**: Yay! Chapter four! I'd just like to say thanks to **Raykura-kura** for giving me reviews! 

Chapter 4: The Amazing Bean

After the Glitz Pit; a fighting arena for people who wanted to make a name for themselves; had lost its previous owner do to his corruptive nature and need for power, Ms. Jolene had taken over as the new owner.

The duplighost stood in front of the curt-looking female toad, looking full of himself as he tried to smooth talk her. "Jolene- bay-bee! My strange new friend here is looking for a job and I thought you might be able to give him one!"

Ms. Jolene pushed her glasses up and gave Doopliss a look of utter disgust. "Since when have you ever bothered helping anyone besides yourself, _Mr_. Doopliss?"

"I am having the wantingness of a job!" Fawful declared, popping up between Ms. Jolene and Doopliss.

The toad just pushed him away with a look of pure disdain and turned back to Doopliss. "To tell you the truth, your friend here seems a little bit-"

"Annoying?" Doopliss asked as if Fawful weren't standing right there, "aggravating? Irritating beyond all boundaries of mortal comprehension?"

"I was going to say 'odd,' but that works, too." Jolene looked suspiciously at the duplighost. "There's something you want, isn't there? You're not...down on your luck, are you?"

"Well, Jolene," began Doopliss, sounding as if he were trying to get around the question, "there comes a time in every great actor's life when-"

"So you're jobless," Ms. Jolene concluded, "and probably in debt, too. So what do you think this guy's gonna get you?" The toad gestured to Fawful, who was messing with various things in Ms. Jolene's office and obviously not paying attention to a word either of them were saying.

"Confidentially," Doopliss whispered, as if thinking his many loyal fans might overhear, "I'm planning on making him my fighting partner in the Glitz Pit. Now, it's not as if I wouldn't be able to take on every poor excuse for a fighter that you throw at me, but-"

Ms. Jolene interrupted him. "Just get to the point if you will, Mr. Doopliss."

"I need someone to make me look good," stated the duplighost bluntly, "and that 'Fawful' idiot's just the one to do it."

Ms. Jolene glared at Doopliss over her glasses, bearing an almost frightening resemblance to a librarian. "I'm ashamed of you, Doopliss! It's not nice to take advantage of stupid people!"

"But-"

"No 'buts!' In fact, just because of this, I'll give him a job, Doopliss, but not you."

Jolene walked behind her desk and beckoned Fawful over to her. "Are you interested in being a fighter in the Glitz Pit, dear?"

"Is this fighting in the Pit of Glitz going to be of the helping me to be doing the earningness of the coins?" Fawful asked very loudly.

"We use our indoor voices here, slick," Doopliss muttered from the other side of the room.

Ms. Jolene ignored the disgruntled duplighost and continued talking to Fawful, a little bit hesitantly. "Of course you'll make coins-if you win your fights, that is. Wins are what get you the real sums."

"I'm being OK at the fightingness," Fawful said, sounding rather unsure, "I would be liking to be doing the fighting in the Pit of Glitz."

Ms. Jolene got out a contract and a pen. "Please sign here, then."

Somehow, Fawful managed to sign the paper.

Ms. Jolene picked up the contract and examined it. " 'Fawful,' eh? Well, your stage name's going to have to be something different. You look like an 'Amazing Bean,' to me."

So it was settled. Fawful's stage name was now 'The Amazing Bean.'

Ms. Jolene came out from behind her desk. "Please follow me, Mr. Bean. I'll take you to your locker room and show you how to register for a fight."

"I AM DOING THE FIGHTINGNESS!" Fawful yelled, causing Doopliss to cringe.

"Of course you are," responded Ms. Jolene, "Now come along before you're arrested for disturbing the peace."

Fawful continued shouting as he and Ms. Jolene left the room. "I am having the action of coming with you!"

Doopliss, meanwhile, was staring in utter shock at the closed door of Ms. Jolene's office. How dare she reject him like that! Why, he was the great and amazing Doopliss of legend!

Ms. Jolene ducked her head back into the room suddenly, "As for you, Doopliss...I'll pay you one coin per hour to mop the floors of the main lobby and to clean my office. Oh yeah. And the sweaty clothing that is constantly being left in the locker rooms. I'll tell my employees to let you into the rooms that I've instructed you to clean. They'll tell you where the cleaning tools are. Have a nice day!" The toad closed the door with a slam that threatened to knock over a glass vase on a nearby bookshelf.

Doopliss sighed loudly on purpose and waited for a few minutes before leaving the office so as to avoid meeting Jolene. "She thinks she's so slick!" He declared angrily to himself. "She obviously doesn't understand what a big star I am! And that weird-talking guy whose name I forgot completely abandoned me! I help him to earn a few coins, and this is the thanks I get! Well, that's the last time I use my kind and loving nature to help someone else out!" With that, he stomped off bad-naturedly to start the cleaning job that he surely considered a mockery to his greatness.

Meanwhile, Ms. Jolene was showing Fawful around a locker room for low-ranking fighters. She led him over to a Gameboy Advance-like device hanging on the wall near the door. "Use this to register for a fight or to check your current rank in the lineup. You're currently in 20th place. If you can get past 10th place, you'll become a major-league fighter. Each time you win, you get more coins."

"I am getting the coins," Fawful stated matter-of-factly, "Then I am doing the paying backness of that which I am owing."

"Riiight." Ms. Jolene began edging her way out of the minor-league locker room. "Well, I'll be going now. Goodbye, Amazing Bean.'"

Fawful stared at the Gameboy Advance on the wall for a few minutes. "I am not knowing how to use this." He didn't seem to realize that Ms. Jolene had just shown him how to use it. It was as if he couldn't comprehend any bit of technology that he himself didn't invent.

"I'll show you, buddy." A bandit who was the only other person in the room messed with the Gameboy Advance and then addressed Fawful. He was wearing a blue, hooded robe. "The name's Bandy Andy. You're registered for a fight now, by the way. King K should be back any moment. He's another minor-league fighter. Well, see ya later. I have to go steal a little bling bling! Good luck out there, Bean!" Andy left the room and quickly skittered down the hallway, thinking that Fawful was rather creepy.

Meanwhile, Doopliss was angrily mopping the floor of the major-league locker room. He was in the mood to rant out loud, so it was a good thing for him that he was the only one in the room. "I can't believe I have to do this...this manual labor! It's horrible! I hate the world! Why must artists suffer so? I know why Jolene is doing this. She's so intimidated by my famous personage that she has to reduce me to a common janitor!"

"The proper term is 'custodian.'"

Doopliss turned to the doorway and addressed the person who had just come in. "Why, you're a giant yellow bird!"

The "bird's" expression at this was one of pure fury. "That's RAWK HAWK to you, and if you say something like that again, I'll have to RAWK you!" Rawk Hawk approached Doopliss, looming over him. "You got a problem with that?"

Doopliss was about to say 'What if I do?' but thought better of it. He had an idea. He was planning on quitting the demeaning job that Jolene had given him, but he wouldn't leave until he brought someone down with him, more specifically, the one who he believed had gotten him into this situation in the first place. "Of course not, but I know someone who has a problem with you."

"Oh?" Rawk Hawk sounded intrigued.

"Are you the top ranking fighter in the Glitz Pit?" asked Doopliss craftily.

"The RAWK is in first place, if that's what you mean." Rawk Hawk was now starting to look rather impatient.

Doopliss set aside his mop and bucket. "Then it's definitely you. You know the new guy? Well, even if you don't, I'll tell you about him. His stage name is 'The Amazing Bean.' He thinks he's real tough. In fact, he says that he's going to give you the worst beating of your life."

"WHAT!" Rawk Hawk's reaction to this statement gave him away as just the type of aggressive person Doopliss was looking for in a dirty trick like this. "No one RAWKS the RAWK!" He then mumbled something to himself that sounded suspiciously like "except for the Great Gonzales."

Luckily for Doopliss, his plan was now going just the way he wanted it to. "Yeah. And listen to this: he says that he's not going to wait until his match against you. He's says he's going to take you down right outside of the Glitz Pit...in the middle of Glitzville!"

Rawk Hawk was now looking like he was ready to go out and kill a few hundred people. "I swore that I'd never fight dirty again after that Gonzales incident, but if some newcomer thinks he wants to start a fight outside of the ring, then I'll be glad to give him a beating he'll never forget." With that, Rawk Hawk stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Doopliss watched happily as he left, and began humming as he continued mopping the floor.

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Fawful was trotting around the minor-league locker room, annoying anyone who he came in contact with. "I am winning the fightingness!" he declared to King K, a sunglasses-wearing koopa. Fawful had actually won his first fight. He wasn't a bad fighter on his own, but he was only exceptional when he had his technology to aid him, which he didn't.

King K pushed away the ecstatic Fawful and said, "Yeah, most people win when they fight against Goombas, dawg."

Suddenly, they heard the guard outside the door yell, "Hey! You're not allowed in the minor-league locker room!"

There was the sound of a scuffle, and then a clattering sound. Rawk Hawk burst into the room and looked around. 'Which one of you chumps is the 'Amazing Bean?'"

"That is being me!" declared Fawful proudly. "I am winning the-"

Rawk Hawk strode over to Fawful and picked him up with one hand, bringing him to eye level. "You're a little short to be challenging me to a fight, aren't you? But if you think you can take this outside like you wanted to."

King K watched with some amusement as the stunned Fawful was carried out of the locker room by the enraged Rawk Hawk.

When he and Rawk Hawk got outside, Fawful finally found his voice. "I am not wanting to be fighting you! I am having the wantingness of doing the opposite of fighting you!"

"That's not what I heard," Rawk Hawk responded gruffly.

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Ms. Jolene had been under a lot of stress lately, and she decided to go outside for awhile for a breath of fresh air. She looked out at Glitzville and was surprised to see a circle of people crowding around something. The toad walked over, intrigued. She pushed her way through the crowd of people to see what they were watching. Jolene stared in horror at the scene before her. Fawful was running around screaming as Rawk Hawk pursued him viciously, trying his best to land a blow. He had just caught Fawful and was preparing to throw him across the "ring" when Ms. Jolene called out, "_Stop right there_!"

All heads turned to face the toad, and Rawk Hawk dropped Fawful.

Jolene walked quickly over to the pair. "What is the meaning of this? Who started this fight? ...Rawk Hawk?"

Despite the questioning, the ever-amazing Rawk Hawk managed to keep his composure. "It wasn't me. I can guarantee you that." He pointed accusingly at Fawful. "This guy said that he wanted to start a fight with me outside of the ring, so I took him up on the offer."

"Mr. Bean!" Jolene addressed Fawful, beginning to lose her temper. "The contract you signed specifically stated that you were under no condition allowed to start a fight with another member of the Glitz Pit outside of the registered battles. I'm sorry, but I'll have to let you go."

"I am not starting the fightingness!" Fawful protested, but Ms. Jolene had already walked away. The crowd was now starting to disperse, as well. "At least I am having 10 coins, now," Fawful said to himself.

Five minutes later, Doopliss and Fawful were sitting next to each other in the juice bar in Glitzville.

"Now what are we going to be doing?" Fawful asked the duplighost.

Doopliss sighed. He was in a semi-good mood, but only because he had gotten Fawful kicked out of the Glitz Pit. "We'll have to find us - I mean you - another job, won't we?"

Fawful stood up on his stool triumphantly. "I am finding another job, for I must be paying back the coins in order to be-"

Doopliss cut him off. He had figured out that cutting Fawful off was necessary when he began to go off on his rants. "I know someone who could probably help us, but it certainly won't be pretty..."

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**A/N**: Whew. Done chapter four! That means I have to start writing chapter 5. Reviews are appreciated. Thank you!


	5. Housework

**A/N**: I'd like to thank everyone who's actually been reviewing! I really do appreciate it! 

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Chapter 5: Housework

"Absolutely not!" Stated the purple wraith-like creature who was now in front of Doopliss.

"But _Beldam_," whined the Duplighost, "I _need_ a job. Please! You guys have loads of money!" Doopliss then mumbled to himself, "Come to think of it, I have no idea how that's possible..." he then turned back to Beldam. "But it doesn't matter! I need a job. Oh yeah. And this guy, too." He gestured to Fawful.

"I'm sorry, Freak-in-a-Sheet, but you're not one of us anymore." Beldam crossed her arms, looking sour. "So you can't get a job with us. You up and left as soon as Mario defeated the Shadow Queen, so we like to consider you something of a traitor."

Doopliss flailed as he tried to explain his point of view to the Shadow Siren. "It wasn't my fault! It was...someone else's fault! Yeah! Come on! When have I ever asked you for a favor before?"

"Hmmm," Beldam said, pretending to think, "How about the time you asked to become one of the Shadow Sirens?"

Doopliss screamed.

"I am wanting the jobness!" Fawful declared, despite the fact that no one was listening. He often declared things when no one was listening, actually.

Beldam pointed at Fawful. "And you! If I need someone to run around screaming unintelligible sentences, I'll get back to you!"

Doopliss got down on his knees with some difficulty, considering the fact that he didn't really have knees. "Please, Beldam! I'll be your loyal servant! I'll clean your house and do your errands and cater to your every useless, demeaning whim!"

Beldam turned to Marilyn and Vivian, whom she had not yet given the chance to speak up. "I don't know. What do you think, girls?"

After her adventure with Mario, Vivian had rejoined her sisters and was now on good terms with them. She remembered what Doopliss had done to her traveling partner, but she also knew that Doopliss had cut down on his habit of turning citizens of Twilight Town into pigs. "I think you should give them a job. We should definitely help anyone who's down on their luck."

Beldam looked annoyed, but refrained from saying anything to Vivian. Instead, she addressed Marilyn. "And what do you think, Marilyn? After all, you have a right to express you opinions as well."

"GUH!"

"Respond properly, you great idiot!" Beldam had obviously wanted Marilyn to dismiss the idea of employing Fawful and Doopliss. "I swear! I'm in a house full of people who act like talking is the most complicated thing in the world!" She then shook her head, sighed, and turned back to Doopliss. "Fine. I'll give you and that moronic friend of yours ONE chance. If either of you mess up even once, you're out of here before you can even beg for your obviously undeserved forgiveness."

Doopliss hopped up, regaining his composure almost immediately. "Don't worry, Beldam. I've got this all under control! Got a little dirt on the windows? No problem. I've got cleaning skills that are unmatched." He suddenly trailed off, appeared to think for a bit, and then blurt out, "so how much ya payin' us, Beldy?"

Hearing this, Vivian slapped a hand over her face and Marilyn cringed slightly.

However, Beldam just smiled in a way that she thought was sweet. "You will each be getting six coins per hour, to be paid at the end of each day." Her expression suddenly became ominous. "And if I hear one word of complaint, I'm reducing that amount!"

Doopliss did his best not to utter several _dozen_ complaints, and simply nodded. "Of course. Six coins should be...sufficient." Sadly, six coins happened to be minimum wage. That meant that Ms. Jolene had been paying him below minimum wage, which made Doopliss rather annoyed.

At that point, Fawful bounced happily over to Beldam, who was just about to scream at Doopliss for the heck of it. "I am getting the coins of sixness also? I am having the wantingness of the coins to be completing the mission of the paying back of-"

Beldam cut him off, as people often did. "Shut up. I don't care why you want the money. I really don't. The answer is 'yes.' I'll pay you to wait on my every beck and call. Now. First thing's first. Listen up, you two." She gestured to the living room of the house that she shared with her sisters. Said house was located on the outskirts of Twilight Town, and they had moved in not long after the Shadow Queen had been defeated. "I want this room spotless."

"Of course," Doopliss began, "I'm the master of many talents, so this shouldn't be a-"

"Glad to hear it," Beldam replied, getting steadily more irritated by the duplighost, "but let me elaborate. You didn't think you'd get away with cleaning just one room, did you? Well, I'm sorry to say that you're about to be sorely disappointed. I want every room in the house completely dirt-free." In reality, Beldam was actually doing this to try and get Fawful and Doopliss to quit. "That includes each of our bedrooms, the bathroom, and the attic. Oh, and if there are boos in the attic...just ignore them. They came from the Creepy Steeple down the road, and I'm somehow starting to get the impression that they have a grudge against you, Doopliss. Something about locking them in a box..."

_Oh yeah_, Doopliss thought rather nervously, _I remember that. Those boos were hindering my greatness, so I locked them up._ He made a sound that bore some resemblance to the sound of air leaking out of a tire. Come to think of it, everyone was hindering his greatness lately. Beldam was doing an awfully good job of it at the moment. "Don't worry about a thing," Doopliss replied, trying to keep from severely increasing the volume of his voice, "I'll be able to handle it. No prob!"

"Hmm. Yes, well," began Beldam doubtfully. She seemed to change her mind about continuing to talk to Doopliss, and turned to Fawful instead. "You'll being doing something different, though."

"WHAT?" Doopliss' rage multiplied ten-fold. Now the old hag was saying that he wouldn't even be getting any help with the massive cleaning job!

Beldam ignored him. "You're going to make dinner for my sisters and I. How does that sound?"

"I am not knowing how to-" began Fawful.

"You better be 'knowing how to,'" Beldam responded sweetly, "Or you'll not be 'obtaining your moneyness' anytime soon. Here. I'll show you to the kitchen." With that, Beldam took Fawful by the collar and began dragging him towards his work station.

Doopliss began ranting to himself as soon as Beldam had left. "I CAN'T believe that she would treat a former member of the Shadow Sirens like that! When will she understand that I'm not to be treated as a doormat! I should just up and quit! That would show her! She wouldn't be able to be graced with my presence anymore if I did that!"

"Yeah, she can be kind of cruel at times," Vivian said. She and Marilyn had been there the whole time, listening to Doopliss complain.

Meanwhile, Beldam was giving Fawful a rather 'abbreviated' tour of the kitchen. "That's the refrigerator. It has food in it. Make something good, or you're not getting paid." She pointed to the oven. "That's the oven. It cooks the food. Are you getting all of this?"

Fawful had been staring at something on the floor, but quickly turned his attention back to Beldam. "I am having the understanding! I will be making the foodness of much taste! You will be enjoying the foodness which I am having the preparing of!"

Beldam stared, realizing that having this weirdo and her food in the same room was probably one of the biggest mistakes of her life. It was too late for that now, though. If he messed up, it was just one more excuse to get both him and Doopliss fired. After all, she held the duplighost directly responsible for anyone that he might drag into her home. "Yes, yes. Whatever you say. Have our dinner ready by six o'clock tonight. It's only one-thirty now, so you should have plenty of time. Make sure it's enough for three, and make sure it's good. Marilyn, Vivian, and I are going out on some... 'errands,' so I'll trust that you don't make a mess of anything." With that, the Shadow Siren turned to leave. However, she said one more thing before she went. "Well, at least make sure that dinner's not terrible"

Fawful watched Beldam leave, and then began to muse to himself about how he going to make the best meal in the known history of the world, despite the fact that he had no experience whatsoever. "I am making the food of much greatness!" He stated, opening the refrigerator and getting out an assortment of random products. These products included, but weren't limited to, several mushrooms, cheese, a dozen eggs, vinegar, a coconut, olives, pickles, salsa, and chocolate syrup. He then looked around for a little and located flour, sugar, salt, pepper, and a strange brown substance that looked rather like it had been found in a lake. Fawful stared at all of this for awhile, and then said, "And yet I am still not knowing the order in which to be putting these together."

Meanwhile, Doopliss had already begun to clean, but was getting distracted so often that he really hadn't made all that much progress. He kept seeing things that looked rather breakable and rather expensive, and was wondering how much he could make off of them if he sold them somewhere. "Or is I broke them," he wondered aloud. He dropped his feather duster in order to examine a particularly ornate vase. "Hmmm..." he said, "I wonder how ol' Beldy can afford this type of thing? And why she would want it! This is probably the ugliest expensive object that I've ever seen!" He poked the vase, trying to see how hard he would have to tap if for it to fall over. It was a stupid thing to do, but it didn't really matter anyway. The vase didn't budge. "Well, I guess that I'll have to be real careful in this room. Darn. I hate being careful."

In the kitchen, Fawful had gotten out a huge bowl and was now pouring all the items he had found into it. "This is being for the textureness," he said as he added the mushrooms, flour, and a whole coconut. He then dumped in the pickles, vinegar, and cheese into the concoction, exclaiming about how they were for flavor. He put the rest off to one side, saying "These are being the toppingness !" With that, he placed the bowl of random foods into the oven, and set it to cook at an alarmingly high temperature for about four hours. Convinced that he was finished, Fawful then went to look for Doopliss to tell him of the amazing news.

Doopliss was in Beldam's room. He had actually managed to do a slipshod job of cleaning up the rooms of the other two Shadow Sirens, as well as the family room. He had just accidentally vacuumed up a coin, and was now sorting through the vacuum bag. He was making a big deal out of just one coin because he figured that Beldam would notice even the smallest thing that either he or Fawful did wrong. "I can't believe she would just leave a coin out like that for the world to see!" As always, the duplighost figured that nothing he did could be wrong. Everyone else was always in the wrong, unless they agreed with him. In that case, they would be in the right. He continued sifting through the vacuum bag, getting increasingly annoyed. "Coins aren't even that small! I swear, I don't even know how that coin fit in the vacuum! My greatness will not allow this kind of misbehavior from a machine such as this!" Sadly, Doopliss was now spilling dust all over the floor.

"I AM HAVING THE FINISHEDNESS OF THE COOKINGNESS!"

The duplighost jumped up in surprise, upsetting the vacuum bag all over Beldam's floor. He glared angrily at Fawful, who apparently felt the need to announce things in as loud a voice as possible. "That's real swell, slick! So did you make them a good dinner? I'm telling' ya that it better be good, or I'm gonna have to oust you outta this house before Beldam and her lackeys even come home!"

"I am using the book of recipes to be making the food," lied Fawful, "It is going to be having the taste of much niceness!"

Doopliss was a bit relieved by the fact that Fawful had apparently used a cookbook to make dinner for the Shadow Sirens. Maybe he wasn't as stupid as he looked. "Good for you, buddy. Isn't there something else you could be doing? Other than bothering me, that is?"

Fawful shook his head. "I am having nothing to be doing. Can I be helping you with the cleaningness?"

Doopliss didn't even have to think about his answer to this question. "Of course you can help me!" He somehow pointed to the vacuum bag, forgetting all about the coin that had gotten stuck inside. "You can start by cleaning that up. Yeah. That sounds like a good plan, now doesn't it? I'll just go ahead to another room to see what I can do about - you know - cleaning up." With that, the duplighost sauntered off, in fact looking for more valuable items that he might be able to kidnap and sell later. If he got fired, he would be sure to take a few "souvenirs" with him.

Fawful just couldn't figure out the vacuum. He had even tried prodding it, but that certainly hadn't worked. He had gotten as far as zipping up the vacuum bag and had even flipped the switch. Sadly, he had never checked to see if the vacuum was plugged in. So, instead of vacuumingup the dust, Fawful just kind of spread it around the room. He then trotted out into the hallway, and then into the bathroom.

The bathroom itself was fairly clean already, except for a few spots here and there. This seemed to give Fawful the idea that it would be an easy cleaning job. He began to look under the sink for a cleaning agent and just succeeded in spilling shampoo all over the once-clean floor. Needless to say, the shampoo happened to be Vivian's. The other two Shadow Sirens mad it a habit _not_ to use shampoo. Fawful surveyed the shampoo-coated floor. "I am now having the needingness to be removing the project of hygiene which is being on the floor!" With that, he climbed up onto the sink and opened the medicine cabinet. Sadly, there were no cleaning agents in it. There was only...medicine.

Fawful suddenly caught sight of a piece of paper wedged in between two medicine bottles and took it out. He then hopped off of the sink, avoiding the shampoo. The paper turned out to be a brochure for some place called "Isle Deflino." The front cover had a whole bunch of Piantas on it. Fawful read some of the inside, looking at an advertisement for Bianco Hills. It read, _Please enjoy the peaceful Bianco Hills, which includes a Pianta village with a welcoming attitude towards tourists and absolutely no Piranha plants on top of windmills._

Fawful threw this aside, and it was sucked down into the depths of the shampoo. He immediately began searching once again for cleaning products under the sink, and spotted something he had not noticed before: a large bottle of bleach. "This is being of much goodness! I will be doing the cleaning, and I will be earning the moneyness to be paying back Cackletta, and Cackletta will be accepting me with much happiness!" He declared triumphantly. At this, he proceeded to pour the entire gallon of bleach onto the floor of the bathroom, not noticing as it began to leak out into the carpeted hallway.

Doopliss, meanwhile, was heading up to the attic. "I bet the old hag keeps something really valuable up here!" He muttered knowingly to himself, "that 'boos from the Creepy Steeple are up there' story was obviously her way of trying to keep me from taking all her precious stuff! She knows me too well, but she should know better than to think she can lay one over me that easily!" The duplighost laughed mischievously as he opened the door to the attic. "Beldam must feel so threatened by how amazing I am that she has to resort to lying! How sad! That's so pathetic that-"

"BOO!"

Doopliss shrieked and wheeled around, scrabbling for the door. It was too bad that it had already closed behind him and locked. The duplighost then slowly turned around, giving the boo that was now floating in front of him an irritated, yet somehow smug, expression. "So, what do you want, slick? Why don't you go haunt somewhere else, or something?"

The boo pretended to think about it for a second and then said, "You know what? How 'bout I don't?"

Another boo appeared next to the one that had been talking. "Hey! Aren't you the jerk who locked us in a box?"

"I believe he is," the first boo said, and then turned back to Doopliss. "Do you know what we do to people who lock us in boxes?"

Doopliss began edging his way along the side of the room, trying to inconspicuously look for the key to the door. "You...let them go with a warning?"

The boo chuckled. "You always were a clever one, weren't you, Doopliss?"

Doopliss gave him a strange look. "Well, you know how us big stars are. We're naturally witty."

Both boos ignored him, and the first one began talking again. "Sadly for you, we believe in the policy of giving people a taste of their own medicine."

Doopliss stared. "Which means you're going to lock me in a box?"

"Precisely."

"Hmm...yeah," Doopliss said carelessly, "I don't think so."

"But we do," the second boo informed him, "and you can't exactly prevent it, now can you? You're locked in."

Doopliss considered his options, still looking for the key. He wasn't sure if the boos were actually capable of locking him in a box, but he didn't really care to find out. He didn't enjoy the prospect of being locked in a box. It somehow presented itself to him as being rather distasteful. Finally, he got an idea. He rather thought that it was quite an impressive idea, no less. "HEY WEIRD GUY WHO TALKS FUNNY!" He yelled, hoping Fawful would hear him, "GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I HAVE TO COME DOWN AND DRAG YOU MYSELF!"

Fawful heard Doopliss' shriek, and yelled, "I am making the comingness!" With that, he left the bleach bottle, a sponge, and the growing pool of combined bleach and shampoo where it was, and followed Doopliss' voice to the attic. He opened the door, and the duplighost came flying out.

Doopliss slammed the door behind him and tripped his way down the stairs, Fawful following close behind him.

"What are you having the need of?" Fawful asked, watching Doopliss fall on his face. He kept staring until Doopliss got up.

"Nothing." Doopliss replied nonchalantly, "I just wanted you to unlock the door. Good job, slick. Are ya done cleaning yet, or what?"

"I am completing the job of the cleaningness with much haste!" Fawful looked ecstatic about this.

Doopliss was suddenly doubtful. "You don't say? You think I can check it out, then? Gotta make sure ya did a good enough job, ya know..." Doopliss began walking towards the bathroom, his pace quickening as he approached it. When he saw the bathroom, he stopped dead. For awhile, he just watched the shampoo-and-bleach-mix happily make it's way onto the carpet. After the initial shock, Doopliss screamed, flailed, and dashed for the cabinet underneath the sink. There, he found a roll of paper towels. Wadding up paper towel after paper towel, he began to coax the shampoo-bleach away from the carpet, which had once been red. There were now hideous white blotches all over it. "Great," Doopliss stated dully, "Just great." He suddenly turned to Fawful accusingly as he dried he floor with an immense wad of paper towels. "What the heck is wrong with you! Are you possibly able to handle any type of real-life situation? I swear! It's completely pathetic that-" Doopliss stopped short and stood still.

"What is being wrong?" questioned Fawful.

"What is that smell?" Doopliss asked, not really wanting to know what the smell was, but somehow having to know. "It's coming from the kitchen." He turned to Fawful and said in an over-polite voice, "You know what that smells like? It smells like burning food. You know what it better not be? It better NOT be burning food!" The enraged duplighost rushed into the kitchen, afraid of what he would see.

Smoke billowed out of the oven as Fawful's "amazing meal" burned into an "amazing crisp." Doopliss opened the oven and started hacking as the smoke billowed out.

"I will be putting it out! Do not be worrying!" Fawful declared. However, since he couldn't find a fire extinguisher within five feet of himself, he just stood there and watched Doopliss. Besides, the food wasn't really on fire at the moment. It had been a few seconds ago, but now it was just sending smoke to the far corners of the room.

Doopliss fanned the smoke away and stared at the "food." It wasn't food at all. It was a large hunk of something black and crusty that was sitting in the bowl that was supposed to contain dinner for the Shadow Sirens. The duplighost picked up the bowl and shoved it towards Fawful. "What is this! Tell me what you see here! Tell me!"

Fawful examined the contents of the bowl. "It is being burned," he said observantly. "It is being possible that it was having the cookingness for too long."

"Ya THINK!" Doopliss exclaimed, completely not surprised that Fawful could be this stupid. He had the strange feeling that a cookbook had not been involved after all. "Throw this away and I'll fix something else! You go hide the bleach stains some - on second though, just stand right here where I can see you in case you spontaneously decide to do something stupid." The duplighost spotted several eggs that Fawful hadn't used, and picked them up. "Now watch the master cook at work. I'll bet you haven't seen talent like this in a while. In fact, I'm sure you've never seen talent like this before!"

Fawful watched as Doopliss made three omelets, accidentally spilling liquid soap into the pan. "You are being right. I have never been seeing talent that is being like that before."

Doopliss shrugged. "Maybe they won't notice the difference. After all, it's just soap. It'll give a clean taste."

Suddenly, the front door opened. Both Fawful and Doopliss stared in semi-horror as the Shadow Sirens came into the house. They werethirty minutesearly.

Beldam was sounding particularly irritated when she came in. "Well, that went horribly! Our errands didn't even get close to being finished, and aside from that, my day was still ruined! I swear, if we bump into that Crump guy one more time, I'll have to throw him off the face of the earth!"

"Oh, don't be too harsh on him," Vivian told her sister, despite the fact that she herself had something against him.

"I don't want to hear anything from you!" Spat Beldam, coming dangerously close to treating Vivian as she used to. "You're the reason he follows us around like that! He fancies you, I think!"

Neither Vivian nor Marilyn had anything to say to this.

"The house better be clean and the food better be ready!" Beldam called from the living room, sounding angry. Her temper was particularly short after the day's events, apparently.

The three Shadow Sirens came into the kitchen and somehow sat down at the table.

Beldam spotted Doopliss and Fawful, and was also glad to see that the table was already set. It was really a surprise that they could do anything right at all. "So?" she asked expectantly, "where's dinner? I'm not paying you two to stand around all day like idiots, you know."

"Cool yer jets, Beldy," Doopliss called nonchalantly, taking their plates one at a time and putting the soap-omelets on them. He brought Vivian's first, and was really starting to dread the reaction that they would have when they tasted that extra ingredient.

Vivian was the first to try Doopliss' amazing cooking. She slowly took a bite, chewed, made a face, and then put on a fake smile. "Why, it's...interesting! That's really something, you know? The only thing it needs is a little salt..." The Shadow Siren reached across the table and, in doing, so, managed to knock all three omelets on the ground.

Beldam stared, and then exploded. "VIVIAN! How could you be so careless! You do realize that I expect you to make something else for us to eat after that little display, don't you!" Maybe the Shadow Siren really had started to revert back to her usual harsh treatment of Vivian.

Vivian lowered her head and nodded.

Doopliss stared at this scene, silently thanking Vivian for something he believed she had done on purpose.

Fawful, meanwhile, was heading back to the bathroom to try and hide the bleach stains, despite the fact that Doopliss had told him not to. "I am having to hide the stainess," he said to himself, "for if I am being without the jobness, I am not being able to be paying back the coins!"

However, Beldam saw where he was heading and quickly followed him. Vivian followed after both of them.

When Beldam saw the bleach stains, she was both angry and ecstatic at the same time. Finally, she had a chance to fire this weirdo and that idiot duplighost. "I see that you ruined my carpet," she said in her usual irritated tone, "Now, what was it I said again about messing up even once? Oh yes. You're fired."

"Wait!" Vivian called to her sister. She had felt sorry for both Doopliss and Fawful, so she really didn't want them fired. "I did that! I spilled the bleach right before we left, but I forgot to tell you. So don't fire them. It was my fault."

"Well, this _is_ a surprise," Beldam stated, sounding rather suspicious. "In that case, you'll have to find a way to either replace our carpet, or clean this up, won't you?"

Fawful, at this point, had gotten that Vivian was taking the blame for everything that he and Doopliss had messed up on. And he then remembered that there was one room that hadn't been cleaned. He stood near Vivian, and began gesturing upwards, wondering if she would get the point.

Apparently, she did. She turned to Beldam, who apparently hadn't noticed Fawful's wild gesturing. "I think I left something in the attic," she said, "I have to go and look for it, okay?" With that, she left to go upstairs.

By the time that Beldam checked every room in the house to make sure they were clean, Vivian had already finished all of the housework required in the attic. Beldam hadn't even seemed to notice the dust that Fawful had spread across her room, probably because Vivian had come in directly before Beldam had come in and swept it all under the bed.

Later that night, Beldam faced Doopliss and Fawful, looking more irritated than ever. She was extremely sore at having not been able to fire either of them. Nonetheless, she handed them each their pay. "You both get twenty-four coins for your services today. I don't care where you two go tonight, as long as it's not near me." She turned to leave, but then addressed Doopliss one last time. "Next time, I'll catch you in the act. I'll make sure of that."

Doopliss nodded cheerfully at Beldam, and then shuddered when she left. "That's one creepy hag."

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**A/N**: Yes! Chapter 5 is complete. I'm sorry that the whole chapter took place in Beldam's house. I'll definitely have them go somewhere else in Chapter 6. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. As always, don't be afraid to R&R.


	6. Fresh Pasta

**A/N**: I say this every chapter, and yet I'll continue to say it: Thank you to everyone who's been reviewing! 

Chapter 6: Fresh Pasta

"Here!" Beldam spat, shoving a piece of paper towards Fawful, "I don't trust this with 'ol Freak-in-a-Sheet, so you can take it instead. It's a list of things that I need you and that idiotic duplighost to go get for me."

Fawful took the paper somewhat reluctantly.

Doopliss, who had been standing there the whole time being outraged by Beldam's treatment of him, immediately snatched the paper away from Fawful and examined it himself. "So, Beldy, whatcha' makin' us get, huh? Fresh Pasta and a coconut among other things? Where the heck are we gonna get that? They don't sell stuff like that in Twilight Town, or even Rogueport!" He began to trail off at that point, "Then again-"

Beldam ripped the paper away from Doopliss and forced Fawful to take it again. "I gave it to HIM, not you, Doopliss! If it weren't for Vivian accidentally burning the one coconut we had, you wouldn't have to go get another one!"

"Then why don't you make Vivian get it!" Doopliss demanded. Of course, Vivian had not burned the coconut. Truly, it had been Fawful. However, like always, Vivian had taken the blame for something that she hadn't done.

"I don't pay you to do nothing," Beldam said bluntly, "I pay you to make my life easier." She then added as an afterthought, "and occasionally the lives of those sisters of mine."

"You hardly pay us at all," mumbled Doopliss under his breath.

"WHAT!"

"You pay us a fair price, oh dearest Beldam," Doopliss said politely, "You will never realize how much this means to-" Doopliss thought for a second and then gestured to Fawful, "him."

"Where are having the getting of the 'Fresh Pasta?'" Fawful asked, staring at the list of things that Beldam wanted them to get.

"Poshley Heights," Beldam informed him. Her voice sounded rather dismissive. "I'm not paying the ridiculous amount for you two to take the train, either. So you'll just have to make do with taking one of the pipes underneath Rogueport. Pipe travel really is quite efficient, isn't it?"

"Poshley Heights?" Doopliss breathed reverently, "Ooh! Fancy! I'm surprised that you're sending us to such a nice place! You know, I could always incapacitate one of the passengers of the train and then pretend to be them - like last time."

Beldam pointed to Fawful. "Than what would you do with him?"

"I'd put him in a suitcase. Very convenient," responded Doopliss.

"I am not having the wanting to be in the suitcase!" Fawful told Doopliss rather urgently.

"He was joking," Beldam said curtly.

"No I wasn't," protested Doopliss. He then whined, "I wanna ride the train! Please! It's so fancy on the train. I remember the last time I rode the train. I wasn't famous then, although I was masquerading as someone famous. This time, all my fans would-"

"Shut up," Beldam said, cutting off the self-loving duplighost. "You two are taking the pipe. Deal with it. Now go. This instant. There's not a moment to waste, as I desperately need the items listed there." She gestured to the door.

"But where do we get the rest of the items?" Doopliss demanded as he and Fawful were guided to the door.

"Don't know, don't care," was Beldam's rather impatient reply. "By the way," she said to Doopliss, "you should realize that you're not _that_ famous." When Fawful and Doopliss were safely outside, the Shadow Siren closed the door and locked it. Those two idiots were finally gone. At least, they were gone for _awhile_.

Outside, Doopliss was ranting to Fawful as they made their way to the pipe that would take them to the sewers underneath Rogueport. "Not famous! What is she talking about? I am the great Doopliss! Every household in the Mushroom Kingdom and beyond has heard my name! Although," he said to himself, "that may not be such a good thing, in my case..."

Fawful thought about what the duplighost had said for a few moments. "I am not ever having heard of what you are being called," he informed Doopliss.

Doopliss ignored him, and entered the pipe that was one of the few ways out of Twilight Town. Mysteriously, he had already had his name written somewhere on his person.

Fawful followed close behind, liking pipes less with every second.

Finding the pipe to Poshley Heights was fairly easy, although at one point Fawful and Doopliss took the wrong one and found themselves on some sort of strange tropical island. Eventually, however, they found their way.

Once they got to Poshley Heights, a rather aristocratic place full of tastefully decorated buildings and a large museum, the two immediately began searching for a place that sold Fresh Pasta.

"Is that being the stand of the pastaness?" Fawful demanded, gesturing to a small stand. There was a bored-looking female toad standing at the window.

"You may be onto something, slick!" Doopliss replied. He approached the stand, obviously trying to get the toad to recognize him as the 'famous' Doopliss.

The toad, sadly for Doopliss, didn't seem to notice a thing except her own boredom. "Hello," she said in a monotone voice, "would you like to try some Fresh Pasta?"

"We would be liking to obtain the 'Fresh Pasta!'" Fawful declared, preventing Doopliss from addressing the question.

Doopliss pushed Fawful away, looking irritated. "What this poor, demented soul is trying to say is...yes. Of course we would like some of your amazing pasta. I bet you don't get famous customers too often, but I'll tell you something: it's my pleasure to-"

"That'll be fifty coins."

"What!" Demanded Doopliss, put off by this rather hefty sum. "Are you kidding me! That pasta couldn't be worth more than fifteen coins, if that!" As luck would have it, both he and Fawful had forgotten to bring even one coin.

"That's the price," the monotone-voiced toad replied tiredly. "I can't change it. No money, no pasta."

Doopliss stamped his foot. "Now that's just ridiculous! What makes you think either of us can afford something that's so amazingly overpriced!"

"You said you were famous," droned the toad, "shouldn't that mean you have a lot of money?"

Doopliss looked irritated for a few seconds, and then said, "you were listening. Amazing..." People, in general, usually didn't listen to him.

Suddenly, in the middle of Doopliss' and Fawful's financial dealings with the disgruntled toad, someone burst out from behind the pasta stand.

"I GOTCHA' NOW! YOU CAN'T BACK AWAY FROM IT THIS TI-" The person who had rocketed out from behind the pasta booth suddenly stopped. Apparently, neither Doopliss nor Fawful was the one whom he had been looking for.

"Wha!" Doopliss recoiled, and ran into Fawful. This caused Fawful to scream, and the toad in the pasta booth to groan loudly.

Both Fawful and Doopliss examined the person who had just scared them half to death. He was actually quite strange looking, and appeared to be wearing some type of bizarre military uniform, or something of the sort.

"And just who are you to be scarin' us like that, slick?" Doopliss demanded, extremely irritated with this obviously disrespectful example of a moron.

Fawful backed him up. "Yes! What are you being called?"

"That's none a' your business, chumps!" responded the perpetrator haughtily, "I wasn't lookin' for you, anyway! In fact, you're presence here is somewhat of a distraction to me, so I'd I'll be kindly-scratch that-_unkindly_, asking you to leave. Whaddaya think of that?"

Fawful just stared, thinking about how he would never be able to pay Cackletta back at this rate.

Doopliss, however, got mad. "US LEAVE! Excuse _me_, but I believe _you're_ the one who just jumped out of nowhere and scared the living daylights out of us-" he then indicated Fawful, "-by 'us,' I mean him, of course. Look. You scared him speechless. I think his mind combusted. It's sad, really-"

"My mindness is not having the combustness!" Fawful reassured Doopliss. "I am feeling of much greatness! Except I am still not being able to pay back Cackletta, which is being a problem of the large proportion!"

"That's nice," Doopliss said, not really paying attention at all. He was still facing the stranger. "Just who are you? Who were you looking for, slick?"

"What is this, an interrogation room?" demanded the assailant. "Why should I answer your questions? More specifically, what's in it for me?"

Doopliss really wasn't in the mood for this. It was too early in the morning. In fact, anytime of day would be too early for dealing with idiots like this. "Look, ya gotta answer my questions if we're gonna get anywhere. Obviously, none of us are leaving anytime soon. So either you tell me what you think you're doing here, or I'll make you tell me. Sound like a fair deal?"

"I am also making you do the tellingness!" Fawful joined in.

"Shut up," Doopliss mumbled. "You're cramping my style." At this, he addressed the stranger once again. "Come on. I don't have all day, you know. I have precious fans to entertain. I can't keep them waiting."

Fawful remembered something about Doopliss telling him that their employers were called the "Shadow Sirens," and blurt out, "The Sirens of Shadow are not doing the paying of us if you are interrupting our obtainingness of the 'Fresh Pasta!'"

Doopliss glared daggers at Fawful for telling the stranger about their employers when the stranger wouldn't tell them anything about himself.

However, the stranger's demeanor changed completely at this. "You're sayin' that you two work for the Shadow Sirens? Well, why didn't you say that before? You must be a couple of losers to keep information like that from me! The Shadow Sirens are the reason I'm here!" He then whispered under his breath knowingly, "that young missy Vivian's quite the pretty one. I wouldn't mind hookin' up with her, if ya know what I mean. The boss doesn't approve, though. He says the Shadow Sirens betrayed us. But you know what I say? The boss ain't here right now!"

"That's the spirit," Doopliss responded dully. "But I think we've heard enoughfrom you. Run along, now."

The stranger didn't move. "What? So soon? Actually, I was thinking of sticking around for awhile, if ya must know." He then glanced towards the pasta booth and said, "tell ya what. If you can arrange something' between me an' Vivian, I might just treat you to some of that there Fresh Pasta. How's that sound?"

Fawful didn't really understand what was going on, but Doopliss was already brightening up considerably. "Well, well, well! So long as we're making deals here, I wouldn't mind having a little palaver concerning our unfortunate, pasta-lacking predicament." The duplighost paused, and then said, "though, you still have to tell us yer name, slick."

The guy who had jumped out from behind the pasta stand crossed his arms. "You drive a hard bargain, chump. I guess I'll hafta answer you that, at least. The name's Crump, though some people call me 'Lord Crump.' That good enough for you, buddy?"

Doopliss stared, trying to see if he remembered the name. However, he didn't. "Hmm...yeah. What's that you were sayin' about yer 'boss,' again?"

"Oh yeah, him..." began Crump, trailing off, "I'm not exactly supposed to talk about Grodus very-blast! I accidentally said his name!"

Doopliss recognized the name Grodus immediately. "You work for_ that_ idiot! Wow. Yeah. That's real nice. Me an' the Shadow Sirens really fooled him! He thought we were on his side, but we were really working for the Shadow Queen the whole time! Isn't that something? Wow, and he's still alive!"

"Yes, though he's just a head, now," responded Crump knowingly, "but, you know, I always tell him that, even though his plans of world domination didn't quite come through, he's still 'ahead!' Get it! _A head_! Buh huh! Buh huh huh huh!"

"Yes, I get it," Doopliss responded, thinking that this guy was one of the most annoying people he'd ever met. Along with Fawful, of course.

"Are we going to be getting the 'Fresh Pasta?'" Fawful demanded impatiently. "The 'Fresh Pasta' is being of much importantness to the obtaining of the coins, which is having the importantness to the-"

"Yes! We are getting the stupid pasta!" Doopliss said, losing his patience. "As long as this guy here buys it for us, that is." He then said to Crump, "You've got yourself a deal. I'll hook ya up with Vivian if you get us some a' that pasta." The duplighost thought for a moment. "What were you doin' hangin' around here, anyway? Hate to tell you, but this ain't exactly the sort of place to be looking for the Shadow Sirens."

"They come here all the time!" protested Crump, "they always want Fresh Pasta, for some odd reason. More times than not, they leave without it, though. I wonder why?"

"Oh, yeah, it's a real mystery why they would leave when they could hang around with you," mumbled Doopliss under his breath.

"What?" demanded Crump.

"Nothing," Doopliss reassured him. "Now go buy that pasta. I don't have all day, ya know. I've got things to do. Things that are totally unrelated to you."

To the amazement of both Fawful and Doopliss, Crump actually had enough money to buy the pasta. Which he did. However, he pulled it back just as he was about to give it to Doopliss.

"Hey!" The duplighost shrieked, trying to take the food product away from the X-naut. "What gives, slick? I thought we made a deal, here! No offence, but you don't exactly seem to be keeping your end of the bargain!"

Crump didn't seem to have much trouble keeping the pasta away from Doopliss as he rationally explained his reasons for doing so. "Hey, buddy. I feel the same way. How do I know yer gonna keep _your_ end of the bargain? I can't just go trustin' every random person I meet off the street, ya know."

Doopliss continued trying to get the pasta. "Don't worry! I'll hook you up with Vivian! I'm sure she loves annoying guys like you! It's just a matter of convinc-would you just give it_ here_, already?"

Fawful then added his own input. "We are getting the ingredients on the list of errandness! If you are having the coming with us, you will be making sure we are keeping our wordness!"

"Shut up!" Doopliss shot, but it was too late. Crump had already taken to this suggestion

"Why, what a good idea your strange friend has!" Exclaimed the X-naut. "If what you say is true, and you're doing errands...for the Shadow Sirens, I presume...then all I'll have to do is come with you to make sure you don't cheat me out of our deal!" He thought for a moment, and then said, "although Grodus will probably wonder where I've gone. Though, he can't really do anything about it anyway. Yes. I'll come with you."

"FINE!" Doopliss screamed, and Crump handed him the pasta. "But if you act all 'annoying' and such, you and me are gonna have a problem of sorts, got it, Slick!

"Annoying?" Crump acted as though he were appalled by this suggestion. "Buh huh! Buh huh huh huh! Yeah, right! If anyone's gonna be annoying, it's you, chump!"

"Right," mumbled Doopliss darkly. He then beckoned Fawful. "C'mon, weird-talking guy. Let's see what's next on the list."

Fawful showed him the list that Beldam had given him, saying "I am being called 'Fawful!'"

Doopliss scanned the list. "Yes, yes. Things have been turning out rather 'awful' for us, haven't they? Ah yes. Next, we're getting a coconut." The duplighost shoved the list back to Fawful bad-temperedly. "And just where was ol' Beldy planning on us getting something like this! In case she doesn't know, there aren't any palm trees nearby Rogueport, let alone _coconuts_! What does she even need a coconut for in the first place!"

"Eh?" Crump asked, sounding bemused. "Coconuts, you say? Buh huh. That's easy. I know where to find them, no prob!"

"Then why don't you-oh, I don't know-TELL us where to find them?" Doopliss spat, his amazing temper wearing amazingly thin.

Crump's reply was simply, "just follow me."

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**A/N**: Chapter 6 is -finally- finished. I think this whole story will probably be 10 chapters long, but I'm not sure yet. R&Rs are always appreciated :D


	7. Coconuts

**A/N**: Again, I'd like to thank all reviewers! You help to keep my motivation at a fairly stable level. ;)

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Chapter 7: Coconuts

"The answer to your obviously ridiculous request," said the giant, hovering skull, "would have to be a 'no.'"

"Now you listen up, buddy," Lord Crump began, "I don't wanna have to make you take us on that boat-" he pointed to the ship that was floating by the pier in Rogueport, "-to Keelhaul Key, but if I have to resort to drastic measures-"

"Yar," replied Cortez, "you ain't nothing more than a scallywag and a liar. Last time ye went to ol' Keelhaul, ye tried to take me treasure an' bomb me ship! Ye shouldn't have even bothered askin' me for a favor, matey. Yer lucky I don't smite you where ye stand."

"No, you're completely mistaken!" Crump protested. "I didn't try to bomb your ship. Buh huh! Where'd you get that idea? Nope. I tried to bomb those chumps on the island. And, I might add, they were askin' for it, too! They were complete and utter-"

"Relax, Slick," Doopliss called, sounding irritated. "You obviously did somethin' to this guy to make him hate you." Under his breath, he said, "which couldn't be all that hard..."

Fawful then approached Cortez and said, "Could you be doing the taking of me and this 'Doopliss' to the Key of Keelhaul? We are not having done the bombing of your shipness."

The pirate ghost who had once occupied Keelhaul Key as a terrifying and mysterious legend seemed to consider this for a few seconds, and then said, "I don't see any reason why not. As long as yer not a personal friend of that scallywag what tried to take me treasure, that is..."

Hearing this, Doopliss immediately pushed Fawful aside and addressed Cortez. "Friends? With that guy? Huh! What a statement! I'm insulted! In fact, I've never been so insulted in my life! To think that we would be friends with someone who tried to bomb your treasure-"

"Ship," corrected Cortez.

"Right!" Doopliss agreed, "see? This is what I'm talking about! His deed was so terrible that I couldn't even remember what it was he did!"

"What are ye trying to get at?" Asked the floating skull impatiently.

The duplighost gestured towards Lord Crump. "We hate him and have no connections to him whatsoever prior to this little talk we're having at the dock. Get the picture?"

"Hey!" Crump protested. "We made a deal, chump! You can't be goin' back on it already!"

"Tough luck, Slick," Doopliss responded nonchalantly while boarding Cortez's ghost ship, "sometimes life ain't fair. Ya got that?"

"Oh yeah? How'd you like a taste of the Magnus Von Gra-" Crump stopped suddenly. "Oh, yeah...that kinda got destroyed." He turned back to Doopliss. "Well...Oh yeah?"

"I suppose it's okay for you and your beanish little matey there to be gettin' a ride in me ship, then," Cortez stated amiably to Doopliss. "I don't want ye singin' no pirate shanties 'er nuthin' , though. The last fellow who I took over to 'ol Keelhaul Key wouldn't shut up. As I recall, he was the same person who asked me to let 'im borrow me ship...That happened at about the same time that 'ol scallywag o'er there bombed it. Weird fella. Kept singin' an' talkin' about how he's not as rich as he used to be. Said his stay was gonna be short, but I just left 'im anyway."

"Hey!" Lord Crump called. "Would you happen to be talking about-"

Cortez cut him off. "We should be going soon. Aye, the wind's just right for such a trip as this."

"Are you ignoring me?" Demanded the X-Naut.

"Aye, I suppose that's so," responded Cortez.

While all of this controversy was going on, Fawful climbed onto the boat and decided that he would have to tell Cortez about his money predicament. Why? The reason was that he always told everyone about everything he did, and that's just the way that it had to be.

Doopliss and Fawful watched as Cortez and Lord Crump argued, and the whole thing eventually ended with Crump getting knocked into the water. The duplighost and Fawful made a note that the pirate ghost had somehow managed to do this without even moving an inch, and found it somewhat on the unnerving side.

However, the ship soon set sail, leaving Lord Crump to scream insults to the quickly disappearing boat. In fact, several pirate bob-ombs and shipwrecked toads stared at this little spectacle with a mixed sense of fascination and horror.

Meanwhile, on Cortez's ship, Fawful had already begun ranting about how he needed coins to pay back Cackletta. He seemed to rant a lot, especially on ships. "I am needing to be getting coins," he declared to the half-listening Cortez, "for the reason that I am needing to be doing the paying back of the coins which I was spending on the magazines. I was not wanting magazines. I was thinking they were the forms to be getting the makers of smoothies."

None of this seemed to make sense to either Doopliss or Cortez, and Cortez whispered to Doopliss, "Is there any way to make yer matey there quit talkin' away? I like a good palaver now an' then, but I'd say he's passed his limit, if you know what I mean."

"Ya know, you can't really get 'im to shut up once he's started ranting about something. Watch." Doopliss addressed Fawful. "Hey. You."

"What is it you are wanting?" inquired Fawful, "I am wondering what you are wanting, because I am always wondering what people are wanting when they are doing the talkingess to-"

"Shut up."

"I am doing the shutting of up," Fawful continued, "when people are telling me to not be talking, I am not doing the speakingness. I am being of much quietness, which is having the importantness of-"

Doopliss turned away from Fawful and said to Cortez, "See? The guy doesn't understand the concept of being quiet.

The pirate ghost nodded his agreement. "Arg, Matey. That he doesn't."

Soon, the duplighost began to pace around the deck impatiently, staring into the distance to see if he could see land. "Hey there, ghost guy, how long is this little sailing expedition gonna last, eh?"

"With me ship, it'll take a much shorter amount of time," responded Cortez, "but I'd say it'll still take up the rest of the day. She can sail with no winds, an' she can sail faster than most others, but she still can't teleport. That's an ability I haven't quite gotten to install yet."

Doopliss let out a loud, exaggerated groan and turned his anger on Fawful, who he decided was much more safe to pick on than Cortez.

Fawful was still talking, and seemed to have completely forgotten about having been told to shut up earlier. "Once I am going to a mountain of much tallness, and the red and green fink-rats are doing the following of me and Cackletta. I am not needing to be doing the climbingness, because I am having the-"

"So, Slick," Doopliss interrupted, "you've still decided that talking constantly is a good way to spend your time? That's funny, because I specifically remember you saying that you were going to shut up. Of course, you made a big, conversational deal about it...but, ya know, I kinda thought you were sincere. See, this is the kinda thing that gets you tied to the mast with duct tape wrapped around your head. You wouldn't like that very much, now would you?"

"I am not liking the suggestion of which you are doing the talkingness!" Fawful declared, "it is reminding me of the punishmentness which is being given to me in my old jobness." He stopped for a few seconds, and then said, "have I done the telling of you why I am losing my jobness?"

"Yes," Doopliss informed him in a voice that was falsely nice, "in fact, you just told us five minutes ago, and then repeated the story. You know, it kinda gets old the millionth time we hear it!"

Fawful didn't have anything to say to this, but was instead thinking about how he would have to tell them all about all the times that he and Cackletta (mostly Cackletta) had tried to take over the world. Those were good times.

By the time the crew reached Keelhaul Key, it was evening. Doopliss wondered vaguely whether Beldam cared how long they took to run her errands. He rather thought she probably cared a great deal. He didn't know how much it would take for her to fire them, but didn't think it would be much at all. In fact, the duplighost was outraged by the fact that it seemed like she wanted to fire them. Well, the fact that she might want to fire him was more important than the fact that she might want to fire Fawful. He could see how she might want to fire Fawful. However, sending _Doopliss_ into the unemployment line was like a capital sin! In his opinion, at least. And since his opinions were the ones that were rights, Doopliss figured that this had to be everyone else's opinion, as well.

Keehaul Key turned out to be a tropical island of sorts. The key itself was, as far as either Doopliss or Fawful could see, uncivilized except for a small town created by shipwrecked toads and bob-ombs. They soon found out that this was known as "Shantytown."

Doopliss approached a pirate bob-omb who was standing down by the sand and began to try and get coconut locations out of him. "Heya, Slick! This is quite the nice place ya got here, if I do say so myself! What's yer name, huh?"

"Pa-Patch," responded the bob-omb, "it's been a long time since a landlubber's made 'is way to 'ol Shantytown. What's someone like you doin' here, matey?"

Doopliss nodded, trying to look understanding despite the fact that Pa-patch hadn't mentioned any problems. "Hmm...yes. Ya see, I'm lookin' for what one might call a coconut." He then gestured towards Fawful. "That guy is, too. You see, we really need one since the orphanage we work for only accepts children who can eat nothing but coconuts. It's very sad, really."

"Spare me the fairy tales, matey," Pa-Patch replied gruffly, "I don't believe a word of it. What I don't understand is why you think you have to make up a story for me to help you find a coconut. They're everywhere on this island, and they ain't a might tasty. In fact-"

However, he was soon interrupted by an overdressed man who came rushing over to greet the newcomers. "Hello! I see you two are new here! Yes! My name is Flavio, hmm? I don't usually make a point to go to uncivilized places like this, and yet the prospect of adventure calls out to-"

"He wanted to find treasure, since he's been reduced to the 'second richest man in Rogueport,'" Pa-Patch informed them, looking annoyed. "A 'course, he knows there ain't treasure here anymore, since the last treasure we found was in 'ol Cortez's ghost ship"  
"Ah!" Declared Flavio, "and yet the prospect of you finding treasure here remains! I hope it is safe for me to assume that people who have been living on such an island as this might tend to discover some of its 'richer' secrets, hmm? Just because there was treasure on the ship does not mean that there is not treasure elsewhere!" Flavio turned to Fawful and Doopliss. "And yet, I am now finding myself in a rather troubling predicament. You see, that giant skull fellow seems to have found it quite humorous to take me to this dreadful island, and then to leave me here. Quite a troublesome fate."

Doopliss was about to make a witty remark, but Pa-Patch cut in first. "If ye took more time to work on yer intelligence and less time on yer 'interesting' style of clothes, there, ye might have know that there's a pipe to the east of here that leads right outta Keelhaul Key."

Flavio brightened. "Ah! It seems that you are finally developing a sense of usefulness! Well, I'll just be leaving then, hmm? Flavio would like to know if you find any object which might be considered 'treasure' in the near future!"

"I'll be sure to, matey," Pa-Patch muttered darkly, "as soon as ye stop being so annoyin' all the time, that is."

Meanwhile, Flavio was heading towards the pipe, singing what happened to be the only song that he knew. However, his tune was soon interrupted by Lord Crump, who popped out of the pipe right in front of him.

"Dear me!" exclaimed Flavio, "Why, it's none other than 'Four Eyes!' Have you retired from being evil, I wonder?"

Instead of answering, Crump simply dragged Flavio back to Shantytown, looking for Doopliss and Fawful. He spotted them and, still dragging Flavio, approached them angrily. "What's the big idea, chumps? Sorry, but going back on our deal is something that can't be forgiven. Buh huh! You're in forsuch a world of hurt!"

"Whoa!" exclaimed Doopliss, "How'd you get here, Slick? We just came from that dead guy's boat, and you sure weren't on it!"

Fawful agreed, and then changed the subject. "Yes! You were not being on the boat! We are looking for the coconut! Are you helping us in our searchness?"

"Uh...whatever," Crump said to Fawful, and then addressed Doopliss. "It's my secret how I got here, but the important thing now is that our deal-"

"-Is still in order!" Doopliss put in, trying to cover up the fact that they had left Lord Crump in Rogueport. "You can't expect us to be responsible for...circumstances beyond our control, right? Well, now that you're here, I suppose you'll be helping us look for a coconut. That is, if you wanna keep our deal, slick."

"Uh...right," Lord Crump said, sounding confused. He dropped Flavio. "Of course our deal is still up. And you better remember it, too!" He looked around. "A coconut can't be too hard to find in a place like this. Buh huh! It's a tropical island! That's why I suggested we go here! Buh huh huh huh!"

Flavio overheard this and immediately found an excuse that he hoped would allow him to leave. He alsowondered why Crump had dragged himback to Shantytown, since Flavio and Doopliss were obviously the ones that he was mad at."You are searching for a coconut? Well, I know for a fact that there are coconuts on this island, yes? In fact, I believe that I once sent someone to find me such a thing in exchange for Chuckola Cola. The great Flavio remembers that it took a great length of time to find the coconut, though. I hope it's not too bold to suggest that you three split up, hmm? Ah! I am seeing you like this idea!"

"Not bad, weirdo," Doopliss congratulated Flavio, sounding rather nonchalant. "I guess that is the best thing to do, eh?" In reality, the duplighost was planning on going to someplace close to the camp and just sitting there until one of the other two morons found a coconut.

"That is being an idea of much greatness!" Fawful declared adamantly! "If we are all searching, it will be taking a time of much shortness to find!"

Lord Crump shrugged. "I don't usually take suggestions from idiots, but I guess this one ain't too bad."

"This is a settled plan then, hmm?" Flavio said, slowly making his way towards the pipe. "Flavio is glad to hear that his suggestion was taken!" With that, he left Shantytown with at a speed far surpassing his usual abilities.

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**A/N**: As you can see, I have finished Chapter 7. Only 3 more chapters to go, I think! XD


	8. Splitting Up

**A/N:** To everyone who's actually following this story: Sorry for taking so long to update. I had todo this stupid English summer homework. Also, I must always declare my thanks to anyone who's been reviewing/faving. Reviews, as I have said, provide motivation...and I appreciate them muchly. Yay! 

Chapter 8: Splitting Up

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"WHACKA!" Stated the blue creature that had just popped out of the ground in front of a virtually devastated Lord Crump.

The X-Naut stared. "I'll 'whack-a' you if ya don't shut up, buddy!"

"Whacka!" Stated Whacka. "It's such a nice day, isn't it? He appeared to be ignoring the fact that Lord Crump wasn't exactly in an ecstatic mood.

"Oh, it's real nice if you're into, you know, 250 percenthumidity!" Crump spat; annoyed.

"The humidity moisturizes and cleanses!" Stated Whacka wisely, "it helps us to feel fresh and rejuvenated, as if we were young again, no?"

"No." Crump stated bluntly. "I dunno about you, but it makes me feel as though I were suffocating in a blanket of pure torture. How about that? Really cleansing, isn't it?"

"Ah!" The Whacka replied, "no pain, no gain! This experience will only build-"

"Do you know where the coconuts on this island are?" interrupted Crump.

"There are lots of coconuts on this island!" the Whacka sang happily, "but they have a rather unpleasant taste. Wouldn't you like a Keel Mango instead?"

"No. You must be hearin' me wrong or something, chump." Crump was now struggling not to knock Whacka into the next century. "Ya see, I said I wanted a 'coconut.' Ever heard of 'em? Listen, I'm not here to eat a coconut, so I couldn't care less what they taste like."

"In that case," came the Whacka's excited reply, "I know where there are coconuts!"

"Good!" declared Crump, his mood brightening. He turned to leave. "Let's go, Whack-a-whatever!"

The Whacka looked honestly confused. "Go where?"

Crump stared as if this were the stupidest question in the entire world, which he probably considered it to be. "You're gonna show me where the coconuts are."

"I can't!" Whacka declared, sounding happy.

Lord Crump, however, was quite the opposite of happy. Or at least he was the opposite of 'not extremely angry.' He was hating Whacka at the moment, as well as Doopliss and possibly life in general. "Yeah, chump? Why not?"

The Whacka bobbed up and down. "I can only move underground, and the coconuts are on an island! Islands are not underground, really! They are surrounded by water, which makes it impossible for me to burrow! For I do not breathe under water! I breath air! And therefore, if I were to try and burrow under water, I would drown, which would-"

"Thank you for that stirring commentary on the nature of your breathing techniques," Lord Crump informed Whacka in a not-quite-serious tone of voice. "Sadly, you informed me that the coconuts are on an island." The X-Naut pointed to the ground. "In case you haven't noticed, or if you have limited knowledge of geography terms, this is an island."

"The Coconuts are on a different one, though!" protested the Whacka.

"You just said they were on this island!"

"Do you listen to everything everyone tells you?" demanded the Whacka. Seeing Crump's anger, he laughed nervously and said, "What I meant is they're on a small island that's so close to this one that you can consider it the same island. Plus, you have to be on Keelhaul Key to get there, anyway."

That's when Crump did something that Whacka found rather strange and maybe slightly disquieting to those with a sane mind. He turned away and began talking to what was either an imaginary or invisible person. "I hope you people reading this aren't as confused as I am," Crump was saying in an exasperated tone of voice.

Whacka stared. "Pardon me, but what were you doing just then?"

Lord Crump's attention went back to the blue creature sticking out of the ground. "It's called 'breaking the Fourth Wall,' and only I can do it," and then he muttered under his breath, "and a few other assorted characters whose names I won't mention because they are less important than me."

"Right," the Whacka said, sounding unconvinced, "I'm sorry about your coconut problem."

"Oh, that's okay," Crump said in a falsely polite way. He then proceeded to kick Whacka in the head, as he was getting on his nerves. The X-Naut had found that violence, indeed, solved everything. At least, that was his principle. He considered it a decent one, if not socially acceptable.

Much to Crump's dismay, a large bump swelled out of the blue creature's head and landed on the ground next to him.

Whacka screeched and disappeared under the ground, yelling, "Whack-OW! That hurts! I can see when my help isn't appreciated!"

Lord Crump, meanwhile, was busy being disgusted by the lump that had come out of the Whacka's head. "That's disgusting! That blue mole was both repulsive and moronic!" With that, he proceeded to kick fifty hit points-worth of Whacka-bump into the ocean surrounding Keelhaul Key.

---------------------------------

Fawful was wandering the jungle pathetically, hopelessly lost like the idiot he was. Perhaps it wasn't his fault. After all, every sickeningly exotic plant on the island looked the same. They were all green. And tall. Oddly enough, there were absolutely no coconuts whatsoever. At least, there were no coconuts in the locations in which Fawful was searching, which was the important thing. Therefore, the Beanbean Kingdom resident who was currently an _illegal_ resident of the Mushroom Kingdom did the only thing he could do in a situation like this. Rant. Yes, when lost on a tropical island, Fawful's best plan for survival always included talking to himself for hours on end while he continued to get even more lost. It had always worked before. "I am wondering why I am getting the losteness so easily. I am not having the knowingness of the location of where this is, which is worrying me because I am liking to be knowing my whereabouts. I am wishing that all the locations of much heat would be having the destroyedness, as the I am not liking the heatness." Fawful walked by a pipe, but didn't notice it for the simple fact that he was so very into his rant. "This is being much trouble for the obtainingness of the coconut. I am wondering why we are having the need of a coconut. I am wondering also why the Sirens of Shadow are having the needing of-"

Someone cut him off suddenly, yelling from who-knows-where. "Hey! Keep it down over there! This ain't the kinda place where we wanna here someone whining about his problems 24/7!"

Fawful looked back to see the origin of the voice, and was pleased to see that it was someone from Shantytown. Oddly enough, they were calling from Shantytown. Still even more bizarre was the fact that Fawful had just left Shantytown about two minutes ago, and it had taken him that much time to get lost. Actually, this wasn't that strange at all, considering Fawful was widely considered to be quite stupid despite his apparent technological genius. Happily, he trotted back to the small civilization created by shipwrecked toads. He wanted to see if someone would accompany him on his search for a coconut. This was his way of looking for a chaperone, which he needed considering there were many things that he just couldn't handle on his own.

Fawful burst into Shantytown as if everyone there would automatically come sign up to help him find a coconut. Instead, most people either ignored him or stared, considering they didn't even know what he wanted and viewed him as being quite strange. "Would someone be coming with me to be finding the coconut!" He demanded loudly. "I am wishing that someone would having the coming withness of me because I am not knowing the way back to this town!"

He would have kept yelling had Pa-Patch not come over and allowed himself to become the brave volunteer to escort Fawful on his coconut mission. "Arg, matey. In order to get you to be quiet fer a few, I guess I'll be havin' to be takin' ya to find a coconut. Don't know where to find them, though. They're nasty as a right-"

"I am having the thankingness of you!" Fawful interrupted ecstatically, "We are going to be finding the coconut because I am needing to be giving the coconut to the Sirens of Shadow, which are being the employers of me because I am needing money. They are paying me-"

Fawful's voice faded into the distance as he and Pa-Patch started their search. The citizens of Shantytown couldn't help but admire the poor Bob-omb sailor's gallant sacrifice in order to keep Shantytown its peaceful self.

------------------------------

Doopliss had found a tree that he liked. He would be able to situnder it.It was a palm tree, and he figured that it was far away from both Lord Crump and Fawful. They were both idiots, as he saw it. He was pretty sure he wouldn't remember their names for much longer, either. In fact, he especially never remembered that weird-talking guy's name. It didn't matter. The tree he had found was on an island that was separate from Keelhaul Key. It had been easy to get to, considering there was a pipe that led to it. Doopliss mused that pipes were always in the most convenient of locations. The duplighost had decided that he was going to sit there under that tree until someone else found the coconut and came to get him. At that point, he would pretend that he was still looking.

"Ah," the duplighost muttered to himself, "what a great plan! Sheer genius! Those slicks won't know what hit 'em!" However, he was soon hit on the head with a rather large, blunt object. This caused him to scream, flail, and then check to see what this invading object was. He stared. It was a coconut. "Well, that was easy." Doopliss supposed that it was now time to leave the island. He would bring the guy that couldn't speak proper English with him, but he would definitely leave that 'Crump' moron. "Forget that date, Slick," he declared out loud. He then began making his way back to Shantytown, very ecstatic with himself for being so amazingly capable. Sometimes he even amazed himself. Perhaps even all the time.

----------------------------

"I bet there are coconuts in this cave!" Declared Lord Crump stupidly. He had found a cave, which he had conveniently forgotten was the place that Cortez kept his pirate ship. The X-Naut entered the cave, going deeper and deeper, and not even bothering to wonder whether or not palm trees grew underground where there was absolutely no light and barely any heat.

Meanwhile, Fawful was having a great, one-sided conversation with Pa-Patch. Pa-Patch wasn't usually easily aggravated with anyone other than Flavio, so he was taking Fawful's ranting fairly well. So far, Pa-Patch had learned of Fawful's latest employers, his past employers, his phone number, his social security number, his...basically everything. Fawful had managed to accomplish this amazing informational feat in less than five minutes. And he was still going. However, he had now switched the conversation to address his current problem.

"I am wondering where the coconuts are being," Fawful said for the millionth time. "It is being strange that we are not being able to find the coconuts on an island of much tropicalness. This is reminding me of the time that I am getting the wrong brand of mustard from the-"

Pa-Patch had already learned to just block out whatever Fawful happened to be saying, since it was usually of little consequence to anything that made sense or happened in a logical sequence.

While Fawful and Pa-Patch were traversing along having a deep and meaningful conversation regarding the mysteries of life, Doopliss happened to stroll by holding a coconut. The duplighost stopped and called to Fawful. "Hey, Slick! I got the coconut, so we'll be leaving this heat trap now. Easy enough, eh?"

"Where are you finding the coconut?" Fawful questioned. "I am not being able to locate the areaness of the-"

"All that matters is that I found it," Doopliss replied simply, not wanting to get into some idiotic conversation that would make no sense to anyone, particularly not to someone with an English major. "Let's get outta here, eh? By the way, we're leaving that 'Crump' guy here. He gets on my nerves almost as much as you do. But I gotta keep you around, or 'ol Beldy's gonna wonder where you got off to."

"That is being of the much goodness!" Fawful declared.

"Yeah, whatever," Doopliss replied dismissively, shooing Fawful over to the only pipe in Keelhaul Key. "You go on ahead a' me. I gotta take care a' something' real quick." When Fawful had left, Doopliss turned to Pa-Patch. "Thanks for babysitting that guy for me. He was really in need of a chaperone, if ya know what I mean. Can't really handle much on his own, that one." At that, he began heading towards the pipe.

"Aren't ya gonna pay me for it then, matey?" Pa-Patch asked hopefully, not really expecting a favorable answer.

Doopliss laughed as he disspeared into the pipe. "Good one! You're good with babysitting and jokes! You should be, like, a clown or something!" And with that, the dupilghost was gone.

Pa-Patch then mumbled several pirate curses to himself that probably didn't exist.

Meanwhile...

Lord Crump, sadly enough, had not found a palm tree. Sadly enough, he didn't even know where he was. It was so easy to get lost in these caves. The X-Naut made a note to try and get Grodus to help him destroy all caves in existence next time he got the chance. It was particularly annoying when one was constantly getting chased by random flying fireballs. That was when Lord Crump made a vow. He vowed that, when he got out of this cave, he would seek revenge on the ever-so-annoying duplighost. He didn't know why he was going to seek revenge on the duplighost, as telling someone to split up in order to look for a coconut wasn't exactly the most terrible thing in the world. However, he had decided awhile ago that revenge was a good hobby when was bored.

---------------------------------

Fawful and Doopliss were back in Rogueport, much to the delight of the duplighost. His dislike for Keelhaul Key had been very large indeed. He was currently staring with disgust at the list that Beldam had given them. "A 'Mystic Egg?' What the heck is a 'Mystic Egg?'" He dropped the list in frustration. "I swear! It sounds like some key item in an adventure game!" He turned to Fawful. "We must find the 'Mystic Egg!' It is the only way to unlock the secret vial of Tiyamith in the land of the happy elves that shoot arrows only when threatened by war or evil forces!"

Fawful stared.

Doopliss seemed oblivious to this, and picked up the list again. "So. This Mystic Egg has to be somewhere. The only problem is where to look." He shrugged, gesturing for Fawful to follow him to the pipe that would take them to the sewers under Rogueport. "There are only so many pipes under this stupid town, though. The pipe that will start our journey to unlocking the secret to the Mystic Egg of legend has to be somewhere down in that stinkhole!"

Fawful stared yet again.

"Alright," Doopliss stated, "I'll stop with the 'adventure game' stuff if it effects yer mind so badly."

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**A/N**: Yay! Chapter 8 is done. Finally. I hope it wasn't too short. As I say after every chapter, don't be afraid to R&R. XD


	9. Mystic Egg

**A/N:** Sorry if it took too long to write Chapter 9. Thanks so much for all of your reviews! I really appreciate it!

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Chapter 9: Mystic Egg

A goomba had shown them the way. A rather old goomba with glasses that made him look like some kind of mad scientist, in fact. This goomba just happened to go by the name of "Professor Frankly." Doopliss and Fawful had randomly bumped into him while in Rogueport, and he had caught the tail end of Doopliss' rant about Mystic Eggs. Fortunately for Fawful and Doopliss, the goomba had informed them of where to find the item that they needed. Unfortunately for Fawful and Doopliss, he had gone on for about an hour on a myriad of topics that had little to do with their current situation.

So now Doopliss and Fawful found themselves in a strange forest known as "Boggly Woods." The primary reason for it being strange was the fact that all the trees were perpetually in blossom, and all the blossoms were white. Combined with the black tree trunks, the whole scene created a rather unnerving, and vaguely creepy, picture.

"Where is the goomba of much talkingness saying we are to be getting the Mystic Egg?" Fawful asked Doopliss, breaking the silence.  
The duplighost looked distractedly at a tree that he viewed as being an identical copy to the one next to it. "The guy talked about some big tree thing," he muttered, "but I see a lot a' things like that in this weirdo place, and not one of 'em's and bigger than the rest." Doopliss scoffed. "Show's what that idiot knew, eh Slick?"

Fawful didn't answer, and it wasn't just because his name wasn't 'Slick.' He and Doopliss were in a rather large clearing at this point, and Fawful was now staring at something that was on the apparent horizon.

Doopliss glared. "Hey, what are you starin' at, Slick? Did ya just see somethin' that finally pushed you over the fine line between unstable sanity and full-blown insanity?" He then said under his breath, "Ah, never mind, I think you passed that line a long time ago-" The duplighost stopped talking, as he had finally seen what Fawful had been looking at.

There was a huge tree on what seemed to be the horizon of the forest. Like the many other trees in Boggly Woods, it had a black trunk and white blossoms. However, unlike the other trees in Boggly Woods, it was also the size of a small providence located somewhere in eastern Europe.

Doopliss stared at this rather fascinating sight for a few seconds, and then noticed that Fawful had continued to stare at the tree. "Hey, Slick, it's not that interesting. D' you think that's where that old goomba was talking about when he said to get the Mystic Egg thingy from a big tree?" He examined the tree for a few more seconds. "Yep. That tree's pretty darn big. So, how d' you think we're gonna get over there? I mean, there appears to be quite a...um...canyon between us and it."

The duplighost was right. For some unknown reason, there was a large drop separating their part of the forest and the humongous tree that was their goal.

Doopliss then began searching for something that he apparently thought he would find in one of the bushes.

"What are you having the lookingness for?" Fawful asked, apparently having lost interest in the tree by this point.

Doopliss decided to answer, despite the fact that it was usually his policy not to answer questions that he considered to be stupid. "If you must know, I'm lookin' for a pipe. There has to be one around here somewhere, 'cause I have a feelin' that that tree's an important place to go. And if it is an important place to go, there will; of course; be a pipe leading to it in case any legendary heroes have to go there." He paused for a second. "You know, to help them save the world."

"I am not knowing what you are talking about."

"I'm sorry that my vocabulary is a little to complicated for you to understand, Slick," responded Doopliss. He then said proudly, gesturing to a pipe, "Well looky here! Looks like I found our ticket to that tree over there, eh? See, ya know this pipe's gotta lead to that tree since there's an outline of a pipe over there on the horizon. You can just barely see it." The duplighost looked questioningly at the bushes that were blocking his way to the pipe, and then to a small gap in the bushes. He scoffed. "Ya see, that gap there is for people who can't climb, which is obviously not me. I mean, _seriously_. Who would let a bunch a' bushes interrupt there way to the great and wonderful tree of legend that obviously contains within it's hollowed core the Mystic Egg of-"

Fawful stared.

"I was doin' the 'adventure game' thing again, wasn't I?" Doopliss asked rhetorically. He then proceeded to make his way through the bushes. "C'mon, weird guy. We're not gonna get anywhere if ya don't follow me, ya know."

At that, Fawful followed the duplighost into the pipe that would help lead them to the Great Tree of Boggly Woods.

The tree itself was even bigger up close, sadly enough. Doopliss hadn't thought it possible. However, it was possible, and he would now have to face that fact.

Fawful and Doopliss made their way up to the large tree, noticing that there was a door in the trunk. It was rather odd to see a door in the trunk of a tree, especially a door that seemed to be electronically operated.

Doopliss immediately approached the door and then turned to Fawful. "Watch and observe. As I press the 'A' button, this door will come open so that I may go inside! That is the magic of technology!" A few seconds later, the door slid smoothly open.

"I am not knowing what you are having the talking about," Fawful said, as he had still not mastered the mysteries of Breaking the Fourth Wall. However, he followed Doopliss into the tree nonetheless.

"Just what do you two think you're doing barging into our home like you own the place!" Demanded an annoyed, elderly voice.

Both Doopliss and Fawful turned to see a small, gray...thing...yelling at them.

Doopliss pushed Fawful aside, saying "Let me handle this, Slick." He addressed the annoyed senior politely, "Ma'am, you must understand that my strange companion and I had to come into your lovely-" The duplighost paused to looked around at the 'decour' of the hollowed out tree. "-abode. You see, we're trying to save the world."

The gray creature gave Doopliss an extremely strange look at this statement, and then said "Well, us Punis don't really have anything that would help you with that kind of task, although we used to have a Crystal Star. Some young lad has it now, though. Can't remember his name for the life of me!"

"Ah, yes. That happens," replied Doopliss distractedly. "However, I-"

The puni cut him off. "Don't get smart with me, whippersnapper! Why, I remember the day when my memory was sharp as a whip! Sharper!"

"That's nice," Doopliss began, "but we're lookin' for an item of sorts. Think ya could help us find it?"

The puni looked annoyed. "If you can tell me why I should help a couple a' rebellious young louts who find it perfectly appropriate to burst into a poor Puni Elder's house, than maybe I'll consider aiding you two."

Doopliss groaned. This old hag was being a real pain in the- "As I was saying," the duplighost replied, trying not to lose his temper, "We gotta find a Mystic Egg. Do you keep one 'a those somewhere in your tree somewhere, or somethin'?"

"I think we might have one of those in this old tree somewhere," responded the Puni Elder. "But I wouldn't know where to find them. That young lass Petuni's the only one who ever gets 'em, and she'll give 'em out if you can ask her a question that she can actually make sense of. Seems to have trouble doing that, though, if you ask me."

Doopliss looked around. "Uh, yeah. Can you tell us where this 'Petuni' is then, geezer?"

Apparently, calling the Puni Elder "geezer" was a mistake. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

Doopliss flinched. "Um...A Puni who is aging gracefully and showing absolutely no signs of it?"

"I'll have you know that I'm a lot younger than I look!" The Puni Elder informed Doopliss. "Why, back in the day, young puni lads used to come for miles around just to ask for my hand in marriage! I remember this one handsome fellow by the name of-"

Sadly enough, neither Fawful nor Doopliss was thinking about a handsome young puni. In fact, Doopliss was now thinking that the Puni Elder had probably practiced telling this story repeatedly to anyone who would listen. No one would dare tell her to be quiet, considering she happened to be extremely frightening when she was angry.

"Where are we having the finding of the 'Petuni?'" Fawful demanded, interrupting the Puni Elder's fascinating story about her youth, which most likely would have lasted for several hours.

The Puni Elder glared at the interruption, but answered the question anyway. "I have no idea where Petuni is. None of us do. The girl got herself lost, and we haven't seen her for several hours, at least."

Doopliss laughed in a somewhat exaggerated manner. "Hours? Doesn't it, ya know, take _days_ for a kid to be considered 'missing?'"

"Now, that would usually be the case," began the Puni Elder wisely, "but whenever Petuni doesn't show up for longer than fifteen minutes, her brother has to make a worldwide search and rescue mission out of it. That Punio may not be ready to become the new Elder, after all."

"But we are needing the 'Mystic Egg'!" Fawful protested.

Doopliss agreed. "Yeah. The thing can't be that hard to find if some kid gets 'em all the time, as you say." He looked annoyed. "Of course, that sorta ruins my idea of the Mystic Egg being a key item in an adventure game if they're common enough for one of you 'puni' people to find them..."

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT-" began the Puni Elder.

"Whatever I said wrong, I was kidding!" Insisted Doopliss. He really did not enjoy being yelled at by the Puni Elder. Everyone else yelling at him was annoying, too. As everyone knew, he was never wrong. So yelling at him, other than for the purpose of being an adoring fan who couldn't control him or herself, was much frowned upon by the duplighost.

Fawful had been just standing there for the longest time, listening to Doopliss and the Puni Elder talk, when another puni had come "running" up to him, looking as if he had just been accidentally released from an insane asylum.

This particular puni had stripes on his back and a green "puff" at the end of his antenna. "Please help me!" Demanded the puni desperately, "my sister has gone missing, and no one will help me look for her! Please help me find her! I can only imagine what might be happening to poor little Petuni as we speak!"

Fawful stared, and then remembered the name "Petuni" from the discussion that Doopliss and the Puni Elder were having at this moment. "Is the sister that you are having in the posession of the Mystic Egg?"

"Huh?" Punio gave Fawful a look of utter horror for a few seconds and then glared. "I don't have time for this! If you're just going to stand there making fun of me, then I'll never find my sister! I don't have time to talk to rude people like you!" At that, he pushed past Fawful and decided it was time to interrupt the conversation that the Puni Elder was having. "Oh great Elder! Petuni is still missing! I don't know what could have happened to her!"

The Puni Elder slowly turned to look at Punio. "Now, now, Punio. No need to panic. I'm sure your sister will show up some-"

"She won't!" Shouted Punio hysterically. "I know she won't! She's lost and we'll never find her if we just stand around talking like this!"

The Puni Elder looked knowingly at Punio for a few seconds, and then said, "Then I guess we'll never find her, eh?"

Punio shrieked loudly in frustration and then scampered off to the other side of the "room," shouting such things as "You'll see! You'll _all_ see!" and "When I find Petuni, she'll never talk to any of you ever again!She'llonly speaktoher loving brother, who actually cared enough to go looking for her when she was in grave danger!" With that, he entered a pipe, obviously wishing it was a door so that he could slam it.

Everyone stared as Punio went, rather thinking that he was overracting just a tad. Maybe more than just a tad. Perhaps a lot more.

At that point, a small female puni came into the room, looking around. "Has anyone seen my brother lately?"

"Is your name being 'Petuni?'" asked Fawful.

"Yes. Do you know where Punio is?" She asked, giving Fawful a strange look.

Doopliss pushed Fawful aside as always and addressed Petuni. "Yes, of course we know where your brother is. Sadly, though, we have a favor to ask of you before we let you go."

"And just what might that be?" The puni sounded rather skeptical when she said this.

Doopliss wondered if he came across as one of those sleazy guys who stand on street corners trying to get you to buy Timeshare...or watches. "We need a Mystic Egg to save the world. The word on the street is that you've got lots of 'em. So, do ya think you could spare one for the better cause?" The duplighost paused for a second. "The better cause, of course, being the ultimate survival of the world as we know it?"

Petuni suddenly brightened. "Of course I'll give you a Mystic Egg! But you have to ask me a question, first! C'mon! Ask!"

Doopliss thought this a rather easy task Petuni was asking him to perform, but he asked her a question nonetheless. "What's my name?"

Petuni looked exasperated. "Not_ that_ way! You can only use the combinatinon of words that I give you to ask me a question! For example, for the first word of your question, you can only choose 'Mario, Luigi, or The X-Nauts.'"

Doopliss listened to the combination of words, and then said, "Um, okay. The X-Nauts decorate which room the best?"

Petuni pouted. "I dont understand that question at all! Can't you give me a question that I can understand better?"

Doopliss glared. "Okay...Luigi likes which person the most?"

"Why can't you ask a question that I can understand? It has to be easy, you know! I don't know everything!"

"Obviously," remarked the Duplighost under his breath.

Fawful, meanwhile, had been listening the whole time. After Doopliss had asked what seemed like a hundred different questions, all of which Petuni couldn't understand, he came over and said, "'Mario likes which person the most?' That question is not making the much senseness. It should be 'The fink-rat of red is having the liking of which person the most?"

Petuni smiled happily. "The answer to that question is 'Peach!' Am I right?" No one answered, but the puni didn't really seem to care all that much. She then pulled a white egg with gray stripes out of seemingly nowhere and gave it to Fawful. "There's your Mystic Egg! Now where's my brother?"

Doopliss was visibly annoyed at Fawful, as he obviously believed his spotlight had been stolen from him. He gestured towards the pipe in the far corner of the room. "Your brother went in there. You better hurry. He seems dangerously close to having a heart attack, and I doubt there are any ambulances in this forest."

"Not again," muttered Petuni, scampering off towards the pipe.

Doopliss snatched the Mystic Egg away from Fawful, stored it in who-knows-what, and began dragging his comanion out of the tree, saying his goodbyes to the Puni Elder as he did so. "See ya 'round, geezer! Glad we had that talk, but even gladder that we ain't having it anymore!"

From behind the closed door of the tree, Doopliss could clearly hear the Puni Elder yelling, "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" This caused him to speed up visibly.

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Lord Crump was rather annoyed. He had finally escaped from that horrible cave, but it had taken a much longer time to do so than he had hoped. Therefore, he was now going to plan some sort of revenge on the duplighost who had left him on Keelhaul Key. He had currently decided that the best way to do this involved the Shadow Sirens, but he didn't know where they lived. If he _had _known where they lived, he probably would have constantly been directly outside their house, since Vivian lived there. This probably would haveforced them to file a restraining order. Therefore, he satisfied himself byhanging aroundby the Fresh Pasta stand in Poshley Heights, as the Shadow Sirens always seemed to go there.

If he had been smart, he simply would have asked around about where the Shadow Sirens lived. However, he was not.

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**A/N**: The next chapter was supposed to be the last one, but I'm not sure if it will be. It's still a possibility, though. :)


	10. One Last Job

**A/N: **I'd just like to say that there's a part in Chapter 9 where there are no spaces in between some of the words. I didn't mean to do that. I don't know how it ended up that way. Anyway. Here it is. Chapter 10 turned out to be the last chapter, after all. :)

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Chapter 10: One Last Job

"What?" Demanded the irritated Beldam, glaring at the X-Naut who was addressing her.

"Yeah, that's right," Lord Crump responded knowingly. "I would've liked to tell you that Doopliss was an honest employee, but I couldn't keep this knowledge from you. I find that telling the truth is the right thing to do, you know-"

"Can it." Beldam snapped irately. "You don't have a caring bone in your body, Mr. 'I'm going to take over the world with Grodus and a mindless army of evil, poorly-trained soldier.'"

"Hey!" Lord Crump began defensively "I do take offense! Those soldiers were _at least_ mediocre!"

Beldam had finally come to Poshley Heights, but she had made Vivian and Marilyn stay home. Vivian, because Crump would follow them around all day if she came. Marilyn, because she was stupid. So now, Lord Crump had cornered her instead and was claiming that he was about to describe in full detail all the nasty things that Doopliss had said about her. She glared at the X-Naut. "So what exactly did that idiot say about me? All you've said so far is that he's not an honest employee. And I knew that from the moment I hired him."

Crump scoffed. "Yeah, well, did you know that he said you were an old hag? I bet not! It's terrible when one's supposed friends go down the road of talking behind one's back-"

Beldam crossed her arms. "Freak-in-a-Sheet called me an 'old hag?' No surprise there. Unless you know of something_ really_ dire that he did, I _really_ don't have time for this." The Shadow Siren was willing to wait out Lord Crump's obviously false claims, as she was ready to take any excuse she could find to fire Doopliss.

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Fawful stared at the list that Beldam had given him, scrutinizing it. "We are only having to be getting the three items?"

"Looks that way, doesn't it, Slick?" responded Doopliss. They had finally arrived back in Rogueport, and were now making sure that they hadn't forgotten anything.

"The Sirens of Shadow will be having the firing of us if we are having the forgetting of even one item," Fawful stated, still staring at the list.

"There are only three things written there," Doopliss began, "and I doubt that's gonna change any time soon." He grabbed the list away from Fawful and stuck it wherever he had placed the Coconut, the Fresh Pasta, and the Mystic Egg.

Something had been bothering Fawful for quite awhile, now. "Where are you having the placing of the items which we are having the obtainingness of?"

Doopliss made a gesture as if to wave away this comment. "That's not the point, now is it? Listen, Slick. We need to get this stuff back to 'ol Beldy before she blows a gasket. We don't have time to be sitting here and asking questions that are irrevelevant to our currrent situation, now do we?"

Fawful didn't say anything at first, but then he began heading for the pipe, saying "I am not wanting to be having the touchingness of the items that we are having obtainingness of if you are having the placing of them in places which are not seeing the light."

"Then you might not wanna touch our items, eh?" The duplighost said, following Fawful over to the pipe.

"No," Fawful replied as he went down the pipe, "I am hoping that the Sirens of Shadow are not knowing that you are having the puttingness of their things in places that are having the innapropriateness."

Surprisingly, the "famous" Doopliss didn't have anything to say to this. Instead, he followed Fawful into the pipe with a visibly irritated expression.

------------------------------------

Lord Crump had finally done it. It had taken an amazing amount of effort on his part, but he had done it. He had finally convinced Beldam of Doopliss' inability to continue to be her employee. The Shadow Siren had been about to leave when the X-Naut shouted out desperately, "You know that that chump's been stealin' your coins, right?"

Beldam turned back to Lord Crump and fixed him with a penetrating gaze that he found somewhat nerve-wracking. "Really? Now this is where your claims start to get interesting. Do you have any proof that Freak-in-a-Sheet has been stealing my money?"

Lord Crump fidgeted for a few seconds, obviously trying to come up with something. He then said, "Oh, you know how that guy is. He bragged all day about how he had outsmarted you-that 'senile old hag-' as he put it. Couldn't stop talkin' about how he'd gotten so much money out of the deal, and how you probably wouldn't even notice. Buh huh! Show's what_ he_ knows, right?"

The Shadow Siren now sounded very interested in what the X-Naut had to say. She didn't know if she could believe him, but she could imagine Doopliss having enough guts to steal from her. Or at least, she could imagine him being_ stupid_ enough to steal from her. As an added bonus, she would get to fire him for these claims, whether they were false or not. She would simply tell Doopliss that she had solid proof, and no argument could withstand her mighty powers. Beldam addressed Lord Crump. "Yes. It does show what he knows. It shows that he knows nothing of my intuition in situations like this. Am I right?"

Lord Crump nodded agreeably, thinking that it was probably best not to argue with whatever Beldam had to say. "Uh...yes, sir. Er, ma'am."

"Now go." Beldam demanded. "I don't want to see you here ever again."

Lord Crump protested. "But Poshley Heights is a public place!"

"I don't care," snapped the Shadow Siren. "I don't want you around, especially since you're bound to start stalking Vivian again. Honestly, I don't know what you see in her! She's such an ugly thing!"

Lord Crump didn't say anything. Instead, he began to walk dejectedly away, heading towards the pipe that would lead to Rogueport. However, he was now-mostly-just feigning dejection. He had a great and wonderful plan that he was going to attempt directly after getting out of Poshley Heights. His plan included following Beldam to her house-out of sight-so that he could finally find out where Vivian lived. Overall, the plan was rather creepy and stalker-ish.

------------------------------------

When Fawful and Doopliss got back to Beldam's house, she was in an apparent rage. However, they both noted that there was some hint of sadistic glee under all of that anger. "You've finally done it!" She screeched to Doopliss, who was looking as though he wanted to curl up in a corner and die. "You've proved to me that you're not fit to be an employee of mine!" She suddenly whirled around to face Fawful, who cringed visibly. "And you! You're better than him-" she pointed to Doopliss "-but you're still not to be trusted!"

Doopliss lifted his "hands" in a peacemaking gesture. "Whoa there now, Beldy! What's got your knickers in a twist, eh?"

"I was informed from an extremely reliable source," growled Beldam, "that you were stealing coins from me! Now what am I to make of that?"

Fawful suddenly spoke up. "I am not having the stealing of the coins from you! Am I still being fired?"

The Shadow Siren gave Fawful something that is known in some circles as a "death glare." She was, however, very glad that the day had come when she could sack these two idiots. "You hung around with that Freak-in-a-Sheet! That means that he directly influenced you! You can't be trusted because you're his little minion or something!"

"I am not being the minion of the Freak-of-Sheet!" protested Fawful adamantly. "I am being the minion of the great 'Cackletta,' who is not being this freak who is wearing this sheet! Cackletta is saying that I am being her most loyal-"

"Right." Beldam snapped, annoyed. "I don't care whose minion you are. You're both fired. Have a nice day." At that, the relieved Shadow Siren waved both bewildered ex-employees out the door, and then slammed it behind them.

A few minutes later, both Fawful and Doopliss were sitting on the dock near Rogueport, unemployed as ever.

Fawful was now beginning to wonder whether or not the duplighost was the best choice of a traveling partner. After all, he had gotten them both fired. The Beanbean resident addressed Doopliss. "Are you having the bringing down of me?"

Doopliss stared. "Am I bringing _you_ down? Is that what yer askin' me, Slick?" The duplighost began talking to Fawful as if he were a little kid who needed to be taught the lessons of life. "No. I'm inclined to believe that it's the other way around. You see, from where I'm standing, _you_ are the one bringing _me_ down."

"Maybe you are needing to be having the standing from a different angle," Fawful stated bluntly.

The duplighost glared at him. "Quit tryin' to stand up for yerself, Slick. It ain't gonna work. You're the one who got me fired. I didn't know it was possible, but that old hag must have mistook me for you when she started yelling about stealing money." He paused for a second and then muttered, "although the more I think about it, the more unlikely it becomes. After all, I have dashing good looks, and you-" Doopliss looked at Fawful, "-Well, you speak for youself."

Fawful stood up suddenly. "I am having the looking for the new jobness. Are you having the coming with me?"

Doopliss snickered, but got up anyway. "Yeah. I guess I'll have to come with you, eh Slick? I don't need you, but when searching for a job...let's just say that I'll look good compared to you. You know, when we talk to any possible employers."

Fawful began walking towards the main square in Rogeuport, talking to Doopliss as he went. "I am being called 'Fawful.' The nameness of which I have is not being 'Slick.' The name of 'Slick' is being a name that you are having the calling me of because you are not remembering that I am not being called that."

"Actually," replied Doopliss happily, "I sometimes call you weird-talking guy. That's reserved only for you, ya know? I call anyone who I'm at least slightly aggravated by "Slick," but yer the only one who gets that other nickname. You should feel special!" The duplighost suddenly brushed past Fawful and bolted into the main square of Rogueport. He then began to fish around in a nearby traschan, muttering excitedly.

Fawful stared. "Why are you doing the divingness of dumpster?"

"I'm not 'dumpster diving,' Slick." Doopliss replied. He suddenly made a triumphant sound and pulled out a newspaper. "Ah-ha! Eureka!" The duplighost shoved the newspaper in Fawful's face and waved it around. "Do you know what this is? So? Do ya?"

Fawful pushed away the discarded paper. "It is being a paper of news?"

"Yep!" responded Doopliss joyfully, "and guess what? We can look at the job listings in this thing!" Mumbling under his breath, he said, "there's gotta be at least one thing in here that either one of us are decent at..." Doopliss stared at the paper, opened it, looked at it for a few seconds, and then, "Here we go!" The duplighost looked like he had died and gone to heaven. "There's an add in here about a job that pays 100 coins per hour." Doopliss' eyes suddenly got huge. "And they're Beanbean coins, too!" He suddenly looked over the paper at Fawful. "You look like you might be from the Beanbean Kingdom." The duplighost tilted his head. "Yeah, you've got that...greenish...tint going on. So what's the Mushroom Kingdom-to-Beanbean Kingdom coin exchange rate, again?"

Fawful shrugged. "I am not knowing. When I was having the escaping to the Kingdom of Mushroom, I was not having the money."

Doopliss looked at Fawful suspiciously. "If you were planning on coming here, why wouldn't you bring any money?"

"It was being a thing that was having much 'spur of the moment.' I was not knowing that I was going to be having to do the much runningness from the guards of the border," Fawful responded.

Doopliss looked just a bit stunned at this statement. "...You had to run from the _border guards_? Why? What did you do?"

Fawful wondered vaguely why the duplighost found this so interesting. "I am having to do the runningness because they are having a chomp of chain which is being rabid, and which is escaping. I am not wanting to be getting attacked by the chomp of chain."

"They had a rabid chain chomp, then?" Doopliss began looking at the paper again. "Ah, whatever." He suddenly looked completely and utterly irritated. "What? For this job offer, we'd have to travel all the way to the Beanbean Kingdom! What kind of rip-off scam-type-thing is that?" Doopliss shoved the paper in Fawful's face once again. "Okay, bean. Since you obviously spent most of your days in that weirdo Beanbean Kingdom, tell me where we can find this address!"

Fawful snatched the paper away from Doopliss and looked at the add. After a few seconds of staring, his expression became one of shock. "I am knowing where this address is being! It is-"

"Good!" Declared Doopliss, interrupting Fawful from whatever supposedly important thing he had to say. "Then you can show us which way to go, can't you?" The duplighost became lost in thought. "Since I don't have any money for passports, I suppose we'll have to find some way to sneak into the Beanbean Kingdom, eh Slick?"

"I am wondering why there is being an add for the Kingdom of Beanbean in a paper of news that is being for the Kingdom of Mushroom," Fawful mumbled.

------------------------------------

Lord Crump had found the house that Vivian lived in (after unsuccessfully trying to enter the pipe that led to Twilight Town, he had finally remembered seeing Beldam's name written on her hat). The X-Naut was now very ecstatic as he stood by the door; he was prepared to knock and then to sweep the fair Vivian off her non-existant feet. Slowly, he knocked on the door.

Vivian answered. Her eyes went wide. She tried to slam the door, but not before Crump had blocked it with his foot.

"Hey, bay-bee!"

------------------------------------

Fawful and Doopliss wandered for what seemed to them like days. In fact, it was days. The border between the Beanbean and Mushroom kingdoms had actually been quite far from the location that they had been in. Needless to say, they had soon run out of the little funds that they had.

"How long now?" Doopliss groaned, dragging his feet as he walked.

"It is not being much longer," Fawful insisted. "Are you having too much weakness to be continuing to walk?"

"No!" Snapped the Duplighost, "I just happen to be sick of walking. I could do it for three weeks straight, if I really wanted to!"

Fawful nodded, not believing Doopliss in the least. "Well, you who are pretending to not be having the tiredness will be having the much gladness to know that we are being here. I am wanting to be using this opportunity to be telling you of the address which is being-"

"We're here?" Doopliss demanded in surprise, disregarding Fawful. He stared in front of him, just to see the door to the border-crossing room. "I gotta admit, Slick. Ya did better than I thought ya could. How'd ya know how to get here?"

"I am making the journey of much trials from this room of borders to the place where I am finding you, and I am remembering the way in which I was going," Fawful pushed opened the door to the border room, gesturing for Doopliss to follow him.

The same two Hammer Bros from before burst suddenly into their line of vision. Fawful just stood there, but Doopliss jumped back.

"You didn't have a passport!" The red guard informed Fawful angrily. "Just what are we going to do about that?"

The green guard nudged him. "We can have him arrested, you know. We should've sent someone out to look for him a long time ago." He glared. "Why didn't you send for anyone, huh?"

The other hammer bro looked devastated by this statement. "_Me_? Excuse me, but _you're_ the one who should have sent for someone to go and catch that illegal immigrant!"

"Why is this my fault?" Demanded the green guard. "You blaim me for everything!"

"I don't blaim you for everything, you blaim me for everything-"

Fawful and Doopliss looked at each other, each wondering if they were thinking the same thing. When both began heading towards the door that would lead to the Beanbean Kingdom, they realized that they were.

When they got out of the border crossing room, Doopliss laughed. "That was so easy! Could this whole 'illegal immigrant' bit get any easier?"

"It is not being so easy for a length of time that is much longer than this," Fawful declared as if they had just entered an enemy mine field. "We will have to be going to the address which is being in the paper of news." He suddenly turned to look at Doopliss. "But you are not knowing who was writing the add, because you are not letting me finish the telling of you."

The duplighost seemed to wave this comment away. "You gotthat right, Slick. I don't wanna hear what you got to say, 'cause it'll probably just be about 'mustard, fink-rats, and snack cakes.'" He gave Fawful a strange look. "Why is it always 'mustard, fink-rats, and snack cakes' with you?"

"I am not telling you about the fink-rats of red and green during the time of now, and I am also not telling you of the world being Cackletta's snack cake. The mustard of which I was talking is not having the importantness unless I am having the bringing up of it by myself." Fawful kept walking, seeming to acutally know where he was going. "I am saying that we may be having the wasting of time if we are going to this address-"

"I have to admit that the job description is a little on the nutty side," Doopliss said, examining the paper, "I mean, who would request an 'evil minion with superior knowledge in weapons design?'"

Fawful glowered. "Are you having the knowledge or superiorness in the area which is being the designing of weapons?"

Doopliss tossed the paper aside. "No! We're gonna wing it!"

"_We_ are not going to be having the winging of it," Fawful replied, sounding annoyed. "_You_ are going to be having the winging of it. I am knowing how to be designing the weapons of much greatness!"

Doopliss burst out laughing. "_You_? You're saying that you're some kind of...technological genius?" The duplighost looked at Fawful, and then burst out laughing again. "Yeah, yeah. I needed that, Slick. Tell me another one, okay?"

"We are being here," Fawful stated simply, still sounding irritated.

Doopliss looked in awe at the large, stone fortress-like thing that was now in front of him. He whistled. "Well, let's go meet our new employer."

------------------------------------

"Why won't you just consider hookin' up with me for awhile?" Lord Crump demanded adamantly.

Vivian made a face that seemed to suggest that she found Crump quite repulsive. "You're not really my type, if you know what I mean. And, you know, I don't appreciate the fact that you've been following me around for the past three days! It's creepy!"

The X-Naut proceeded to act like it was the end of the world. "Well, I wouldn't hafta follow you around if you'd just consider doin' something with me! Come on...I promise I'll show you a good time..."

This statement, for some reason, caused Vivian to become extremely disturbed. "Well, I'm sorry Mr...Crump, was it? Yes. The megalomaniacal, power-hungry look doesn't really do it for me."

The X-Naut laughed. "Buh huh! You're mistaken, missy. Grodus is the megalomaniacal one. I'm just power-hungry!"

The Shadow Siren sighed disgustedly. If she didn't get a restraining order soon, her life was going to become a very painful thing.

------------------------------------

Fawful knocked on the door, fearing the moment when it would open. Doopliss, however, looked excited and not at all bothered. Of course, Doopliss didn't know about their employer. The door swung open, just to reveal-

"Cackletta!" Fawful shrieked, forgetting that she had ever been angry at him. "I have been needing to be seeing you again! Fawful, your underling of loyalness, has returned to be continuing to do your services!"

Cackletta stared, momentarily distracted by Doopliss. "And just who might that be, Fawful?"

Doopliss gave Cackletta a questioning look. "Hey, aren't you that witch who tried to take over the Beanbean Kingdom, and like-you know-the world and stuff?" The duplighost suddenly whirled to face Fawful. "You actually worked for her? Wow, Slick! This whole time I thought you were making stuff up just to give purpose to your pathetic life!"

Fawful glared, and Cackletta no longer seemed interested in Doopliss. She turned back to her underling. "Why did you come back?"

Fawful gave his mistress a pathetic, pained look despite his glasses. "I am being sorry that I am spending your money! I am wanting to be coming back to be making more machines of much greatness for you, as you are being the great Cackletta!"

"Yes, I think I knew that already." Cackletta stated bluntly. She surveyed Fawful for a few seconds, and then said, "Eh. What the heck. You can come back." She didn't want to say it, but Cackletta had realized in the time that Fawful was gone that she really needed him there to help with her evil plots.

"Fawful is thanking you!" Shrieked the ecstatic Fawful. "I am always being the best underling which you are having! I am not making any more mistakes of great stupidness which are affecting you and which are making you having the anger towards me!" At that point, Fawful attempted to hug Cackletta.

Cackletta, however, drew the line there. "Don't push your luck, Fawful. And I hope you realize that your salary will _not _be 100 coins."

Doopliss watched this whole spectacle, rather wishing he were dead.

As the door to the fortress slowly closed, Fawful waved goodbye to Doopliss. "I am thanking you for all of the helpness for which you are giving me, even if you were just helping me to be getting the job because you were wanting one yourself. I am now saying goodbye!"

The door closed.

Doopliss glared.

------------------------------------

In the next few months, many things happened.

Cackletta was able to sell all of her free smoothie makers over the internet, even if it was illegal.

Fawful continued to help Cackletta with her evil plots by building advanced weaponry, and continued to help her fail by being incompetent on some occasions.

Lord Crump continued to stalk Vivian until Beldam agreed to give Doopliss the job of keeping him away from their house.

And so it went.

**End**

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**A/N: **I'm finally done! Yay! One last time, I'd like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed and faved. I really appreciate that you took your time to do that.


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